MIDTERM CLERIHEWS

 

Dear George, 

Clerihews are four-line poems that poke fun at a famous person. They were invented by British schoolboy Edmund Clerihew Bentley when he was bored in his science class. The rhyme pattern is AABB. The first line ends with the person’s name which sometimes results in weird rhymes in the second line. Here are clerihews for some of the more prominent candidates in tomorrow’s midterm elections. 

Love, Dave 

Sherrod Brown, Democratic Senate candidate, Ohio 

    Chasing his former slot is Sherrod Brown. 

    The working man’s candidate, hands down 

    They complain he’s been there fifty years 

    But fans say fifty years deserve cheers 

John Husted, Republican Senate candidate, Ohio

 

    J.D. Vance’s replacement, John Husted 

    Thanks to John, Ohio data centers are boosted 

    The president says that John’s got a fine ass 

    Not the greatest endorsement, alas 

Amy Acton, Democratic candidate for Governor, Ohio

 

    Ohio Dems have put up Amy Acton. 

    During covid she was Mike DeWine’s captain 

    As a kid she lived part-time in a tent 

    Not a happy camper, they couldn’t pay rent 

Vivek Ramaswamy, Republican candidate for Governor, Ohio 

    Then there’s also multi-billionaire Vivek Ramaswamy 

    Whose campaign blows through like a tsunami 

    Attacking Amy Acton with disgusting adverts 

    Here comes voter backlash, just desserts 

James Talarico, Democratic Senate candidate, Texas

 

    The Texas bright light is James Talarico 

    Hispanics claim he’s their amigo 

    James offers a left-wing Christianity 

    But Bible-thumpers think that’s insanity 

Ken Paxton, Republican Senate candidate, Texas 

    Mister controversy, attorney general Ken Paxton 

    He looks worse and worse with the facts in 

    Felony charges, impeachment, corruption 

    Ken’s talent is definitely disruption 

John Ossoff, Democratic Senate candidate, Georgia

 

    Georgia’s first Jewish senator is John Ossoff 

    His speeches in Congress make folks nod off 

    John’s a former mentee of John Lewis 

    Civil rights and good trouble brought him to this. 

Darline Graham, Republican Senate candidate, South Carolina 

    Carolina’s fill-in is Darline Graham 

    One more contributor to Republican mayhem 

    Darline, of course, is Lindsey’s younger sis 

    Vote her in, drop into the abyss 

Abdul El-Sayed, Democratic Senate candidate, Michigan 

    Michigan’s first Muslim candidate is Abdul El-Sayed 

    His progressive views fill enemies with dread 

    Abdul make a case for Palestinian rights 

    Some complain he creates too many fights 

Mary Peltola, Democratic Senate Candidate, Alaska 

    Alaska’s native candidate is Mary Peltola 

    Accused of misdoings, payola. 

    She recruited a second opponent named Sullivan 

    Mary might want to take a mulligan 

Susan Collins, Republican Senate candidate, Maine 

    Seniority in the Senate belongs to Susan Collins  

    But it’s like she’s being stalked by goblins 

    A dying species, she’s a Republican moderate 

    Which means both parties wish she would quit

THE GOLDEN AGE OF RADIO

 

Dear George, 

We didn’t get television in our house until I was a freshman in college. Instead my siblings and I would gather on the window seat in our living room and listen to a bevy radio programs. We didn’t know it at the time, but the late 1940’s were part of the Golden Age of Radio, particularly in terms of comedy. Here are some of my favorites. 

THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM. The Jack Benny Program, which ran from 1932 to 1955, was my favorite. I still have good feelings whenever I think about it. The show opened with Don Wilson doing a commercial for Jell-O or Grape Nuts Flakes and then introducing Jack as the “master of ceremonies”. Gradually Mary Livingstone, Jack’s girlfriend (and actually his real wife Sayde Marks Benny), bandleader Phil Harris, and tenor Dennis Day would “walk on” to join in the conversation. This would involve running jokes like Jack’s feud with Fred Allen, his stinginess or his age (39); Phil’s drunkenness; Don’s obesity; or Dennis’s stupidity. At some point Jack would ask Dennis to do a song. Then the show would be devoted to a comedy sketch. Jack might get a phone call from his valet, Rochester, reporting some problem at his home. Or there would be a mini-play or a satire of a current movie. Finally the band would play a musical number, and Don Wilson would do a final commercial. Just 30 minutes, we always wished it would go on forever. 

THE FRED ALLEN SHOW. The Fred Allen Show came right after the Benny Show at 8:30 on Sunday nights on NBC. Benny and Allen were best of friends, but their make-believe exchange of insults on the air was so convincing that listeners were likely to think they were deadly enemies. The highlight of Fred Allen’s show was his stroll down the imaginary Allen’s Alley. There he met Mrs. Pansy Nussbaum in her Brooklyn tenement; pompous poets Falstaff Openshaw, Humphrey Titter, and Thorndyle Swinburne; farmer Titus Moody; and boisterous Southern senator Beauregard Claghorn. In 1947-48 about 29 million households tuned into the Allen show each week. 

FIBBER MCGEE AND MOLLY Many radio comedies revolved around married couples, and the most popular of these was Fibber McGee and Molly. The title characters were played by an actual married couple, Jim and Marian Jordan. Fibber was a teller of tall tales, and his patient, common sense wife often responded, “T’ain’t funny, McGee!” The McGees lived at 79 Wistful Vista, and their shenanigans included their many neighbors, e.g., Mayor LaTrivia, Doc Gamble, Wallace Wimple, Teeny, and Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve. A running gag in almost every show involved Fibber opening the hall closet, resulting in a massive, noisy avalanche of piled up junk crashing down on his and Molly’s heads. The show ran for 1254 episodes. 

THE GREAT GILDERSLEEVE. The Great Gildersleeve was a spinoff from Fibber McGee and Molly. A pompous windbag, Gildersleeve, originally played by Harold Peary, was the water commissioner of the town of Summerfield and the bachelor guardian of his independent-minded niece, Marjorie, and his mischievous nephew, Leroy. Gildersleeve was a member of the Jolly Boys Club which included pharmacist Peavey, barber Floyd Munsun, and Judge Horace Hooker. Episodes revolved around domestic challenges, civic duties, his rivalry with Judge Hooker, and his often chaotic romantic relationships. The show inspired four RKO feature films in the 1940s. 

DUFFY’S TAVERN. Archie, the star of the show played by Ed Gardner, was the fast-talking manager of Duffy’s Tavern. The show’s running gag was that Duffy was never seen or heard on the program. Archie only talked to him on the telephone at the beginning of each episode. He always began by saying, “Hello, Duffy’s Tavern, where the elite meet to eat. Archie the manager speakin’. Duffy ain’t here. Oh — hello, Duffy.” Duffy’s was a seedy bar and grille on New York’s Third Avenue. Other characters included Duffy’s wacky daughter, Miss Duffy; Eddie the Waiter; tavern regular Clifton Finnegan; and Hollywood guest stars. Duffy was constantly involved in schemes that would make him rich. 

THE LIFE OF RILEY. The lead characters were Chester A. Riley, a blue-collar aircraft plant worker in California; his wife Peg; their kids Junior and Babs; and Digger O’Dell, the friendly undertaker. Riley’s famous line was, “What a revoltin’ development this is!” Riley was constantly getting into trouble, while Digger O’Dell gave him information that “helped him out of a hole.” OTHERS: The above shows are my favorites. Others which I would include in a more extensive list include The Phil Harris-Alice Faye Show; The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet; The Burns and Allen Show; Our Miss Brooks; and The Aldrich Family. When television came into our lives, we thought it a superior medium because of seeing the characters and their scenes. However, when I look back, it’s those early radio shows that I remember most vividly and with greatest affection. 

Love, 

Dave 

 SOURCES: Wikipedia; Carl Amari and Martin Grams Jr., The Top 100 Classic Radio Shows (2017).

HOME ALONE

Dear George, 

Recently my wife Katja left on a ten-day trip to Washington D.C. and Philadelphia.  It’s been a while since I’ve been home alone, but I always look forward to it as a change in routine and a test of my self-sufficiency.  On day one I drank too much whiskey, fell asleep at 6 p.m., and slept till noon the next day.  That was my first lesson, and I didn’t make the same mistake again.

As retired people, Katja and I are together nearly all the time, and I still seem to respond to her imagined presence when she isn’t here.  One evening I thought I heard her call my name from downstairs.  Then, half asleep in the middle of the night, I heard her footsteps on the bedroom floor and felt her weight shifting in the bed.  I do count on Katja to remind me of things.  I forgot to put the garbage out last Monday night.  Nobody shouts “Stop!” or “Watch out!” when I’m driving which makes travel a bit riskier.   

The house is amazingly quiet.  Some days I don’t say a single word.  No one plays classical music on the radio all night or tunes into NPR in the morning.  I do watch TV, but I never watch QVC, the Home Shopping Network, or the many cooking and PBS shows that Katja records on our DVR.  

Katja and I have different attitudes toward household life.  She’s more casual; I’m more compulsive.  One of the things I like best about being home alone is the sense of order that I maintain.   I always make sure the door are locked.  I turn the lights off when I leave the room.  Likewise for the TV.  I’m careful to separate the recycling and the trash according to city rules.  The sink is always clean, the bed is made.  I keep the A/C set on a warmer temperature, e.g., 74 degrees.  I never answer phone calls from Toledo or Mount Healthy.   

My life alone does lack adventure.  When I was younger and Katja went away, I’d eat out at restaurants, get together with a friend, go to the movies, even take a short trip.  Now I fuss around on the computer, watch TV, do some scrapbooking, read some Moby Dick, and take a walk or go to the fitness center.  I’m waiting for Katja to get home so we can do more exciting stuff.  That will make me happy. 

Love,

Dave 

BRAIN HEALTH

 Dear George, 

One of the things about being in my late eighties is that I spend a lot of time thinking about terrible things that could happen. My favorite topic is losing my mind. We do stereotypically associate this with old age. So I had a conversation with Gemini (my AI chatbot) about brain health and its decline. The Q’s below are my questions, and the A’s are Gemini’s responses (condensed and sometimes paraphrased). 

Q: What is meant by the notion of “brain health”? 

A: Brain health is defined as the state of brain functioning across cognitive, sensory, social-emotional, behavioral, and motor domains, allowing a person to realize their full potential over their life course. 

Q: I have trouble remembering the content of the TV programs I watched yesterday. Is this a sign of dementia? 

A: Forgetting the specific details of TV programs you watched yesterday is generally not, by itself, a sign of dementia. Everyday forgetfulness is extremely common. Dementia-related memory impairment usually involves forgetting major life events, repeatedly asking the exact same questions, or struggling with everyday tasks. People experiencing early cognitive decline often lack insight into their own forgetfulness, whereas worry about your memory lapses is a reassuring sign that your self-monitoring abilities are intact.  

Q: What percent of people in their eighties experience dementia? 

A: Roughly 33% of people aged 85 and older are affected by Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia. 

Q: Do men experience greater loss of brain health in old age than women? 

A: No, epidemiological data show that women are disproportionately affected by neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s disease. Age is the single biggest risk factor, and a significantly higher population of women reach the advanced ages (95 and older) where neurodegenerative conditions are most prevalent. 

Q: What is the single most important factor in maintaining brain health in old age? 

A: Geriatricians generally agree that there is no single “magic bullet” factor. If forced to pinpoint one factor, major scientific consensus points to preserving vascular health by keeping the heart and blood vessels strong. 

Q: What sorts of people are at lesser risk for cognitive decline? 

A: Lifelong learners; physically active; socially connected; heart-healthy eaters; good sleepers; well-managed health. The key takeaway is that cognitive resilience is rarely about one single habit; it is the cumulative effect of a brain-healthy lifestyle built over decades. 

Q: Does taking classes for seniors help to maintain brain health? 

A: This is one of the most effective ways to support and maintain brain health. It provides a powerful combination of lifelong learning and social engagement, both of which are cornerstone activities for building cognitive reserve. 

Q: How about writing poetry? 

A: Writing poetry is an exceptional exercise for maintaining and supporting brain health. It acts as a robust mental workout that builds and strengthens cognitive resilience. 

Q: Does drinking alcohol in old age affect brain health? 

A: Drinking alcohol in old age significantly affects brain health. While cultural narratives long suggested that light or moderate drinking might protect the heart or brain, recent, rigorous large-scale studies have largely debunked those benefits. Even moderate consumption is now linked to negative structural change in the brain. Total abstinence is increasingly recommended by health authorities for optimal neurological preservation. 

Q: Does drinking water affect brain health? 

A: Yes, drinking water plays a vital role. Because the human brain is composed of roughly 75% water,, even mild dehydration can immediately impact how it functions. 

 Q: How does sleep affect brain health? 

A: Sleep is foundational to brain health, acting as an active, vital maintenance period rather than just a passive state of rest. While you are asleep, your brain undergoes critical housekeeping for memory processing and cellular repair. 

Q: Do mind games like Sudoku or the Jumble affect brain health? 

A: Yes, mind games definitely affect brain health, though their benefits depend heavily on how you play them. The most important finding in cognitive research is that games only build brain health if they remain challenging. 

Q: If I am worried about my brain health, what steps can I take? 

A: (1) Consult a medical professional. (2) Engage in aerobic exercise for at least 150 minutes a week. (3) Keep a close eye on your blood pressure, blood sugar, and cholesterol. (4) Embrace novelty (like learning musical instrument or a new language). (5) Avoid passive consumption, e.g., watching TV. (6) Protect your sleep. (7) Nurture social connections. 

Q: Do people ask you about brain health frequently? 

A: Yes, absolutely. People ask me about brain health all the time. 

Thank you, Gemini. 

Love, 

Dave

OUR AMAZING HOUSEHOLD WILDLIFE.

 Dear George, 

My childhood home was out in the country, surrounded by forests and with only two or three other houses within a mile. Consequently we had lots of wildlife encounters, e.g., deer, porcupines, skunks, squirrels, etc. What is surprising to me is that we now live on a busy street at the center of a major midwestern city, and I have nearly as many wildlife experiences on our small urban property as I did as a kid in the country. Here are some curious facts about some of our wildlife denizens. 

OPOSSUMS. The opossums lived under our back porch for years, and we’d see them now and then when we came home at night. They moved somewhere else when we had our porch reconstructed. Opossums date back 70 million years, making them one of the oldest mammal families. Their name is derived from the Powhatan language, meaning “white dog or dog-like beast”. Females give birth to as many as 20 young, but only 13 can attach to a teat and survive. The babies are called joeys. When threatened, opossums will “play possum”, mimicking the appearance of a sick or dead animal and smelling bad. Opossums can eat thousands of ticks every season, and they are helpful to have in one’s yard.  

SQUIRRELS. The squirrels are faithful residents of our front yard because of our bountiful oak tree and its many acorns. They’ve built their nest of oak leaves on the window ledge outside our TV room. We watch them through the window while they seen to be watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. The oldest squirrel fossil dates back about 40 million years. The squirrels’ name comes from the Ancient Greek word skiouros which means “shade” and “tail”. Squirrels are physical marvels. They can jump up to five feet vertically and eight feet between trees. Squirrels can run headfirst down tree trunks by rotating their hind ankles 180 degrees to grip the three bark. Their bushy tails act as parachutes, allowing them to survive falls as high as 100 feet. At top speed they can run twenty miles an hour. Squirrels are also clever little creatures. If they think another squirrel is watching, they pretend to bury a nut by digging a hole and then covering it up. Gray squirrels bury up to 10,000 nuts each fall. Unfortunately they forget where they bury up to 75% of their hidden nuts which has the desirable unintended consequence of planting new trees. 

EUROPEAN WALL LIZARDS. I see our European wall lizards on our patio and driveway every time I leave or enter the house during warm summer months. Their family originated some 10 to 20 million years ago. The wall lizard was introduced to the United States when a 12-year-old boy from the Lazarus family smuggled 10 of them from a family vacation in northern Italy and released them near their East Walnut Hills home in Cincinnati. The wall lizard has expanded throughout Cincinnati and into parts of Northern Kentucky and southeastern Indiana. They are fast moving and good climbers. Wall lizards have a “third eye” on top of their head that helps detect predators from above. If a predator grabs its tail, the wall lizard sheds it in order to escape and grows a new tail later. Wall lizards eat garden insects spiders, bees, snails, small berries, and flower petals. They spend their days foraging and basking in the sun. When normal food sources are scarce, wall lizards have been known to eat their compatriots. 

RABBITS. Every now and then I see a little cottontail rabbit near the tall grasses in our front yard garden. We owned rabbits for many years, and, because I regularly brought them out to an enclosure in our side yard, I was known for a while as the “Clifton rabbit man.” The rabbit family emerged about 53 to 55 million years ago, shortly after the extinction of the dinosaurs. In the fourteenth century the word “rabbit” was originally “rabet”, meaning the young of the species. Rabbits’ teeth grow up to five inches a year and are worn down by chewing grass and hay. A rabbit’s eyes are positioned on the sides of its head, allowing it to see behind them without turning. Also they can turn their ears almost 270 degrees which allows them to pinpoint the exact location of a sound. They have excellent hearing and can hear sounds up to two miles away. Rabbits can jump 3 feet in the air and for a horizontal distance of 10 feet. They can also run up to 30 miles per hour, faster than Usain Bolt. Intelligent creatures, domestic rabbits can recognize their names and come when called. When a rabbit is extremely happy, it performs an athletic leap called a binky, twisting their body and kicking their feet in the air. 

RACCOONS. Raccoons are the most interesting of all of our wildlife residents. A family lived in our attic for years. We’d hear them rummaging about in the night, but I didn’t pay much attention until I discovered that they had eaten the insulation in our heating/cooling system. The animal control people successfully removed them, but we still get solo visitors on our patio at night. The first known members of the raccoon family lived in Europe about 25 million years ago. Fossil evidence indicates a close relationship between raccoons and bears. The name “raccoon” comes from the Powhatan term that means”animal that scratches with its hands,” stemming from the animal’s observed habits of “washing” its food. Raccoons can weigh up to 57 pounds, though most adults are between 11 and 26 pounds. Touch is the raccoon’s most important sense, and they can hear the quiet noises produced by earthworms underground. Raccoons are known as very intelligent animals. Early research found that they were able to open complex locks in fewer than 10 tries, apparently understanding the abstract principles of locking mechanisms. In their search for food, they can break into all but the most secure waste bins. Even inexperienced raccoons are capable of unscrewing jars, uncorking bottles, and opening door knobs. Due to their adaptability, raccoons have successfully used urban areas as a habitat. The first U.S. sighting of raccoons in an urban area was made in a suburb of Cincinnati in the 1920s. 

That’s my story. I’m very impressed by our animal neighbors who possess various sensory and physical abilities that surpass those of humans. The more I learn, the more I appreciate their presence in our lives. 

Love, 

Dave

NUMBER SIXTY-SIX

Dear George, 

Today is Katja’s and my sixty-sixth wedding anniversary. Hard to believe. That’s 75% of our lives on earth. We were married in the Quaker chapel on the Antioch College campus in Yellow Springs, Ohio, on this date in 1960. The ceremony was performed by the campus minister, Howard Johnson. Katja’s parents drove with her siblings, Ami and David, from Philadelphia, and my parents drove with Steven, Peter, and Vicki from Menominee. Katja’s parents disapproved of our pending wedding, in part because I was such a quiet person. Nonetheless, it went off without a hitch. We served the 27 guests with tiny cups from a single bottle of champagne, then headed off for a one-night honeymoon in downtown Dayton. 

A week later we set off for graduate school in Ann Arbor, Katja in Romance Languages and me in Social Psychology. We bought a darling German Shepherd puppy who we named Heather and who died in a tragic accident later in the year. Katja worked as a sales clerk at Faber’s Fabrics on Main Street in Ann Arbor throughout our stay. A two-month trip to Europe was one of the highlights of our Ann Arbor years. We did a camping road trip from Michigan to Seattle and San Francisco and back. We also spent two summers at the National Training Laboratories in Bethel, Maine, doing research on identity change in human relations training groups. 

Katja’ finished her M.A. degree, and we moved to Cincinnati in 1966 where I’d taken a faculty job at the University of Cincinnati. In 1969 Katja gave birth to our son, Justin, the most momentous event in our entire marriage. We were devoted parents, and Justin was the center of our lives. At age 8 or 9 he and I started playing tennis, and soon he was participating in local junior tournaments. Katja and I were insane tennis parents. Throughout these years we travelled to Menominee, Philadelphia, and New York Gity where Katja’s sister lived, as well as vacations places like Savannah, Charleston, Amelia Island, and Cape Cod. 

Anticipating college expenses, Katja returned to graduate school to get a Master’s in Social Work degree, then took a job as a social worker at the Cincinnati Association for the Blind. One of her clients said, “I never knew that being blind could be so much fun.” Justin was admitted to Columbia University in New York City, and his departure was overwhelming to his parents. Our work years seemed to whiz by. Justin graduated, went off to med school in New Orleans with his partner, Kiersta, and the two doctors eventually married and adopted Alex and Leo, our grandchildren. 

I retired in 2009, having served as Acting Head of the Sociology Department at UC, and Katja retired in 2011. We started taking classes togetheer at the university’s OLLI program for seniors a couple of years later, and we’re still at it. It’s much like college, so it’s like we’ve gone back to where we began. These are happy married years. We’re glad to still be around at this advanced age, feel healthy and secure, and grateful that we’ve been married for 66 years. 

Love, 

Dave

PICKING OLLI CLASSES

Dear George, 

I’ve mentioned in the past that Katja and I have been taking OLLI courses at the University of Cincinnati. OLLI stands for the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute. It’s a program that offers classes for seniors (50 and over) — history, literature, art, music, movies, social issues, etc. It’s much like being back in college again, though no tests or grades. Registration for the autumn quarter was last week, and I almost didn’t do it. After twelve years, I’ve started to feel burnt out. In particular, I’ve been having trouble writing new poems, my main pursuit at OLLI. I haven’t written anything new in a month, though I do sit down and stare at the computer every day. I thought maybe taking a break would be helpful in conquering writer’s block. When registration day arrived, I registered Katja for her classes. When I checked the OLLI schedule eight hours later, my poetry class was still available. Taking this to be a good omen, I went ahead and registered for it and four other classes. Here are my selections and why I chose them. 

My first choice was #2106, Advanced Poetry, a course that I’ve been taking nearly every quarter for the past eight years. My earliest experiences in writing poetry were in grade school. I always liked writing tasks best in school, and poetry was no exception. My fourth grade teacher, Miss Herscheid, had her students write “The End” at the bottom of each poem since it was sometimes hard to tell from a student’s reading when they were ending. My interest in writing poetry resurfaced in my undergraduate years when I took courses with nationally prominent poet, Judson Jerome. Jerome taught us to write in free verse, an exciting new venture. My current OLLI class is taught by an emeritus creative writing professor from Miami University. People tend to continue in that class for years, making us a bit like a cult. 

The second course that caught my eye was #2106, Making Comics — a drawing course with no prior experience required. I was a comic book addict as a kid, spending time every weekday at my uncle Kent’s drugstore, reading the newest arrivals. Superman, Batman, Captain Marvel, etc. I spent a lot of time copying cartoons as well as drawing my own creations, a hobby that extended into adulthood. My childhood idea about an adult profession was that I wanted to become a cartoonist. I’m looking forward to getting back to my youthful preoccupation. 

#2604, Making Sense of Modern Art, was my third choice. We spend a lot of time at museums, and, while enjoying art, I don’t have much academic knowledge. We have taken several art history classes at OLLI, and I enjoy lectures with lots of visual presentations. I expect this class to help me become a more sophisticated viewer. 

Katja’s top OLLI choice was #4803, American Classics: Moby Dick, and I enrolled too. We have six editions of Moby Dick on our bookshelves, as well as three volumes of essays and critical commentary. While she is a longtime Melville groupie, I have a certain attachment to Moby Dick also. When I was an undergrad lit major, one of my favorite classes was “Moby Dick” by historian Louis Filler. I look forward to rethinking this great American novel. 

Finally both Katja and I signed up for # 2203, Let’s Do It! Write Your Legacy Letter. Legacy letters review your life, reflect upon pivotal experiences, and describe what you value and how you want to be remembered. We’re definitely at the right age and life stage to undertake this task. Perhaps I will post our final products here. When I look over the list, I get an overall sense of personal meaning. Each of these classes has a clear connection to my roots, and each offers the potential for personal growth for the future. Though we won’t start for another month, I’m glad I didn’t drop out. 

Love, 

Dave

MY SISTER

Dear George, 

I recently ran across this poem that I wrote about ten years ago.  I thought I’d post it here so it doesn’t vanish into limbo. 

Love, 

Dave         

                MY SISTER 

My sister is a slam bam girlie 

Growing up with three brothers older 

Teased non-stop but never gets surly 

Mean brothers just make a girl bolder 

My sister likes dressing like the boys 

Blue denim jeans and a T 

A capgun and holster are her toys 

Driven by her urge to be free 

My sister likes riding her bike 

Each day she heads up toward the dairy 

She takes our Irish setter named Mike 

These two move so fast, it’s quite scary 

My sister swims across our wide river 

She does it alone with no boat   

The danger just makes me shiver 

But she says, “Don’t fret — I can float” 

My sister and brother have daily fights 

They battle till neither can stand 

The rules, no gouging, no jugular bites 

I’m glad I don’t see this firsthand 

My sister loves riding her horse 

She races him twenty miles an hour 

The horse charges forth with great force 

A symbol of growing girl power 

My sister was given a chick 

She loved it but squeezed it too hard 

We thought that the chick was just sick 

But soon it was buried in the yard 

My sister has a shiny gold tooth 

Her brother knocked it out with his cue. 

Self-conscious, you know that’s the truth 

Even so, Gold-Tooth never gets blue 

My sister has too many chores. 

Like washing the dishes and setting the table 

Once she was scrubbing the floors 

Her brothers all claim they aren’t able 

My sister likes keeping our parents in line 

She tells them if they get too silly. 

Our mother has a fondness for wine 

Too much and her daughter gets shrilly 

My sister does so well in school

Reading and writing and spelling

Her teachers all think she's a jewel

It seems to come easy, excelling

My sister has a talent for art 

For drawing and painting and the rest.

But too insecure in her heart 

She says, “This is not my best” 

My sister keeps our family together 

So full of good humor and fun 

She’s sunny in the rainiest weather 

Best of all, she aspires to be a nun