At the Cutting Edge

Dear George, 

I see from our local newspaper that Greater Cincinnati is about to get its second axe-throwing bar.  I’m embarrassed to admit that I wasn’t even aware of the first one.  Coming from Menominee, of course, there’s a history of axe-throwing that dates back to the late 1800’s when we were the world’s largest lumber port.  Lumberjack competitions still feature axe-throwing as a mainstream event.  As children, we spent most of our time throwing our hunting knives, though we did try throwing our axes from time to time.  Not at one another, but at a stump or a fallen log.  It’s hard enough to get your knife to stick into a log, much less your axe. 

I’m proud of Cincinnati for being an axe-throwing pioneer.  It attests to our ruggedness and virility.  I doubt if they have any axe-throwing bars in Savannah or Martha’s Vineyard.  The promoters are pitching this to local business organizations, recruiting corporate teams who can then compete against one another.  Probably there aren’t any corporations that actually use axe-throwing in their daily work activities, but it is another way of encouraging cutthroat attitudes and excitement about violence.  

The ads for our new bar feature lots of women.  All are white, all are in their twenties or thirties, all are beautiful, and all are having a thrilling time.  One night a week will be “Axe Your Ex” night in which participants can throw axes at a large photograph of a man.  Whether or not it’s a photo of one’s actual ex is unclear to me.  In any case, this is definitely not a male-only pasttime. 

It seems important to drink alcohol while throwing axes.  In fact, I can’t even imagine sober adults throwing axes as their leisure activity.  I do worry a little bit about the volatile combination of drinking, inter-group competition, and axe-throwing.  Reportedly there have been no known cases to date of bar patrons turning their axes on one another, but we’ll keep an eye on the news. 

I thought about asking Katja if she wanted to go to the new bar, but I don’t think she’d be that interested.  Also it’s probably not a good idea to encourage axe-throwing by your spouse (for much the same reason we don’t have a gun in the house).  Next time that our son J visits, I’ll see if he wants to go.  This seems like more of a father-son activity.

Love,

Dave