Monday, February 20, 2012

Keeping An Eye On The Sky

An artist’s representation of a UFO seen over Cincinnati

Dear George,

I was excited to learn that one of the world’s largest UFO research centers (which I’ll refer to by the acronym UFORC) has recently relocated from the Rocky Mountains to Cincinnati. While prospective presidential nominees are busy talking about jobs, energy, bank bailouts, etc., it seems to me that visitors from outer space should be given a lot more priority. Newt Gingrich has announced his plans to colonize the moon, but he hasn’t said a word about UFOs. We Cincinnatians are still feeling civic pride from obtaining the Creationism Museum down the river (which features the true Biblical account of evolution), so becoming a UFO center cements our position at the forefront. With over 3,000 members in 39 countries, UFORC has 800 trained investigators who receive reports of about 600 UFO sightings per month, and their data-base contains scientific records of over 33,000 cases.

According to a current UFO website, California has the highest frequency of UFO sightings in the U.S. and Ohio ranks second. That makes sense. With much of the population ingesting medical marijuana and/or magic mushrooms, Californians have a heightened sensitivity to extraordinary objects in the skies. Though Ohioans have less access to mind-altering drugs, Southwest Ohio is the home to thousands of zealous Tea-Partiers, Christian evangelists, anti-abortionists, and Ku Klux Klanners. All of these God-fearing people are attuned to the alien forces that threaten our country’s very existence.

It’s only appropriate that Cincinnati is now the UFO Capitol of the World. The government's Project Blue Book, established after the Second World War to investigate flying saucers, was based for decades at nearby Wright-Patterson Air Force Base. Many UFO afficionados have longed believed that the base's Hangar 18 contains the wreckage, including recovered alien bodies, from the famous UFO crash near Roswell, NM, in 1947. Because we are in America’s heartland and consequently of particular interest to alien visitors, Cincinnati and Hamilton County have been a hot spot for UFO sightings for decades. Here are a few actual examples from the UFORC data-base for Greater Cincinnati over the past two years:

Pair of UFOs. My wife and I were in our pool talking and facing east. I looked up and saw what I first thought was a commercial aircraft, though it was flying too slow and too low. There were no wings or tail section, and it didn’t make a sound. Then it vanished. I looked to my right and here comes another one. It was like the first one was towing the second one. I know that airplanes don’t fly that low or that close to each other. I would like to talk to someone about this. (Hamilton County, July 29, 2011)

Red-Orange Sphere. My fiancée and I were at a local sports pub last night, having a smoke with two other people on the back deck. My boyfriend looked up and said, “What the heck is that up there?” All four of us looked up, and there was an enormous glowing red-orange sphere moving slowly and silently in the sky. It was simply enormous, and it moved very, very slowly, changed direction, and then just hung in the sky. It definitely didn’t have the feel of anything man-made or terrestrial, and it gave us all a really weird feeling in the pit of our stomachs. (Hamilton County, Sept. 3, 2011)

Football-Shaped. I was sitting in the living room engrossed in an online chat with my brother when I saw piercing white and red lights out of the corner of my eye. It was a football-like shaped UFO about the size of a car with a very thin lip around the edge that had the lights on it. I would say it was about 150 feet above the house. Then a second UFO just like it suddenly appeared where the first was seconds before. My heart was racing, I guess from adrenaline, and I called my aunt and mom who live less than 2 miles from here. (Cheviot, Hamilton County, Aug. 8, 2011)

Flaming. At about 7:25 p.m. my son and I were traveling on Kilby Road in Cleves when we witnessed what appeared to be a flaming plane slowly descending. As we approached the object, it appeared to consist of a square base that rose into a pyramid shaped structure. Several other passing cars also slowed to view the object. Upon closer observation, it ws not engulfed in flame, but projected white, gold, and red flashing “shimmering” lights. The object did not appear to be an aircraft, did not emit sound, and was not shaped like any aerodynamic aircraft we are familiar with. Interesting, exciting, and disturbing. (Cleves, Hamilton County, Jan. 13, 2010)

The Grays. Three of my friends and I were flying a kite at night with a pen light when two discs from Orion’s Belt came dancing toward our kite, spun around it, then stopped and went right back to Orion’s Belt at the speed of light. Was I spooked? No. Because, I myself, have been subjected to the Grays since birth. I allowed them to read my mind as they allowed me to read theirs. Many encounters of the fourth kind. They have been watching and observing and changing DNA, replicating humanoid and other beings from other planets. They really want what’s best and want us to grow to understand. After many abductions, the men in black were everywhere till the Hubble scope was turned on me. I do know they will return. I will be ready…Will you? (Clermont County, May 23, 2010)

It seems like the only reasonable explanation of these extraordinary events is extraterrestial visitors from a faraway galaxy. So far they seem pretty benign and haven’t done destructive things. I think it’s to our credit that Cincinnati is a such a popular “tourist” destination, and I’m definitely going to walk the sheepdogs more often at night so we can keep an eye on the sky.



P.S. Since this is not a wholly serious account, I’ve used a pseudonym for the UFO research organization. If you reverse the five letters in the middle of the following web-site address (, you can visit it and read about thousands of UFO sightings around the world.

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