Sunday, November 30, 2014

Happy Thanksgiving

Dear George,
We have lots of things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving holiday season, but none moreso than our sweet NOLA family: our son J, our daughter-in-law K, and our granddaughter V and grandson L, both now six and first-graders in their Spanish immersion school.  This year K was out of the country over Thanksgiving, and J drove up with the kids for the holiday.  They were here from Sunday afternoon to Saturday morning, and we did lots of the kid/family stuff available in the city.  Here’s a photo montage.

We spent much of the day on Monday at the Children’s Museum at the Union Terminal Museum Center. The Children’s Museum is always astonishing to me.  Hundreds – maybe thousands – of three to seven-year-olds running about madly and  engaging in one pursuit after the next.  V and L have seemingly endless energy.  They climbed in caves, slid down slides, made simulated meals, shot balls up air pipes, scooped up plastic blocks, splashed in the water, built towers and arches, and did umpteen other enjoyable activities.  At the end of the day we saw an IMAX movie on Jerusalem before heading home for Katja’s dinner.  

On Tuesday morning Katja took V to the nail salon in Oakley where V had her nails done in shellac (so they’ll last a long time).  It was exciting for V and her grandma.  Meanwhile, J, L, and I went to the Goodwill and got L some winter clothes to counteract our thirty degree temperatures.

Tuesday afternoon we went to the zoo.  L liked the diamond-backed rattlesnake the best; V liked the fennec fox; J admired the alligators; I was partial to the fruit bats.  Everyone enjoyed the manatees, the insectarium, the black bear, and the elephants.    

On Wednesday we went back to the Museum Center for opening day of the Mummies of the World exhibition.  Billed as the world’s largest exhibit of mummies, it was absorbing.  They had mummies of cats, rabbits, ancient Egyptians, nineteenth century Hungarians, medical specimens, people who died in bogs or deserts or hot attics, and many others.  It was very unique and eerie, and the children were fearless.    

After lunch on Wednesday we went over to the Eden Park Overlook.  Lots of play on the playground, checking out the ducks and the statues, climbing on rocks and up the ruins of the reservoir.  The Romulous and Remus statue was J’s favorite in his childhood, and now it’s his kids’ too.  

I guess the children don’t have infinite energy.  After five or six hours of running and jumping around, exhaustion sets in.  That’s when good dads carry about a hundred and ten pounds of children across the field at the Eden Park reservoir.  

We stopped at Target on the way home where J treated each of the kids to their choice of a fancy Lego product.  Katja was fascinated with how focused and industrious the children were in working on their respective projects, and how they were able to do their complicated tasks with a minimum of adult assistance.  

Sam and Ellie Minkarah and Donna Durham and her daughter Rebekah joined us for Thanksgiving dinner.  Donna and Rebekah brought a beautiful poinsettia, and the Minkarahs brought a wonderful piano for the children that gets spread on the floor and plays notes when stepped upon.  The children were engrossed.   

I helped the children put on their annual three-act play about the first Thanksgiving.  V and L chose their own Indian names this year: Princess Bunny and Growling Lion.  As pilgrims they starred in their roles as Miles Standish and Priscilla Mullins.  The actors took a bow, and the audience was very appreciative.  

On Friday we took the children on a snow tubing expedition at the Beach Waterpark.  They’d used manufactured snow to create a 400-foot run.  V and her dad tubed down the hill for at least an hour while L and I retired to the car and talked about childhood and life.  

A product of his Cincinnati upbringing, J is still a Skyline Chili addict, and he is teaching his children about our local cuisine.  L prefers a three-way of chili, spaghetti, and beans, while V like the Skyline hot dog in a bun with grated cheese.  

Friday night we returned to the zoo for the annual Festival of Lights.  It’s a true extravaganza.  It must take a hundred thousand hours to set up the entire zoo with strings of lights.  The kids had pizza, followed by S’mores, and we were just in time for a truly remarkable holiday puppet show in the darkened amphitheater.  

Katja made Swedish pancakes and bacon on Saturday morning to give everyone strength for their two-day journey home.

The children held their last light saber duel as Star Wars battlers. 

Then it was time for a family photos and a teary-eyed departure. We talked about doing a new play next year and writing a story book together too.  The children are more grownup and more fun every time we see them.  Things are quieter at our house, but there’s a lump in my throat from a vacuum that won’t be filled again for some months.  Fortunately, we have lots of memories to enjoy.

G-mail Comments
-Gayle C-L (12-1):  Dave,  What a beautiful family !! The children have grown up !!!  Nice to see... Feels like I was there:))  Glad you all had a great Thanksgiving...  Love to all.....    G
-Jennifer M (12-1): You did so many things! What a wonderful trip! I look forward to talking soon.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Menominee's Infamous Baroness

Baroness May Dugas de Pallandt van Eerde (1901)

Dear George,
My hometown of Menominee, Michigan, has a remarkable history, and a surprising amount of information is available online.  For some time I’ve been interested in reading about various Menominee citizens dating back to the lumber boom era of the late 1800’s.  None is more colorful and intriguing than the story of May Dugas, later the Baroness de Pallandt van Erde.  She was described by a Pinkerton detective as “the most dangerous woman in the world.”  (1) [note: numbers in parentheses refer to sources at end.]  The Baroness’s life history was recorded in a series of Chicago Tribune newspaper stories written by reporter Lloyd Wendt and published in 1946 and 1947.  My summary here draws primarily from the Tribune articles, supplemented by other sources given at the end. 
May Dugas was born in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, on May 23, 1869.  Her parents, Eugene and Sophie Dugas, were French--Canadian immigrants, and they had two sons in addition to May, Paul and Eugene.   By 1880 the family had moved to Muskegon, Mich., where May’s father was a saloonkeeper.  He died about 1884, and May then moved with her family to Menominee.  May reportedly was strictly reared and was known as an excellent student at Menominee High School.  After graduating she left her family and moved on her own to Chicago.  Nothing is known of May's first months in Chicago, but she soon became a prostitute in Carrie Watson's bordello in Chicago’s levee district, taking the name of Pauline Davidson.   (1, 13)

In the late 1800’s Watson’s brothel at 441 S. Clark St. in Chicago was one of the best known houses of ill repute in the world.  The establishment was famous for its trained parrot who greeted incoming patrons at the front door by saying, “Carrie Watson – come in, gentlemen.”   Watson typically employed about 25 well-dressed, well-mannered, and highly attractive ladies of the night who catered to an upper-class clientele.  The house featured a bowling alley, a billiard room, five parlors, and a three-piece orchestra.  (11)

"Pauline" was beautiful and enticing to men, and, with the collaboration of a piano player friend in the brothel, she began blackmailing some of her wealthy clients in exchange for her silence about their activities.  In a short time she had accumulated enough money to buy a business in Menominee.  She sent her pianist accomplice there to establish himself as a legitimate businessman.  He quickly became successful and wellknown throughout the U.P.  Pauline, meanwhile, was taking university courses in psychology, French, and business law, to enhance her abilities to attract rich and powerful men.  She was considered a brilliant student in her studies.  (1)

By all accounts, May Dugas was intelligent, beautiful, polished, and had a remarkable ability for entrancing and entrapping upper class men.  Her long-time friend, Miss Frank Gray Shaver, gave this description: "She was a woman of beautiful face and figure, attractive and charming, always well and becomingly attired.  She had much ability and great magnetic power, a strong will and keen wit.  She was a delightful entertainer."  (1)   

Pauline soon became a favorite at society balls and parties in Chicago.  She was accepted by the city’s young wealthy social set, and two daughters of an automobile manufacturer sponsored her wherever she went.  A young man from a very rich family fell in love with Pauline and proposed marriage, but his father hired a Pinkerton detective, Joe Edwards, to investigate her.  Edwards set up a scam to trap her into illegal dealings, and, when Pauline fell for the trick, he ordered her to leave town.  Pauline did so, but not before securing $20,000 from her potential fiance's father to insure her silence.  Changing her name to Pauline Townsend, she left for New York City and then to brothels in Portland and San Francisco.  Arrested for attempting to rob a rich suitor in San Francisco, Pauline seduced a jailer and escaped after a single night in jail, setting off by ocean liner for China.  (1, 3)  

In Shanghai Dugas had a love affair with a British mining executive and blackmailed him for $25,000.  Then she took up an affair with a young American in Tokyo who spent enormous sums on her.  When Joe Edwards, the Pinkerton detective, discovered her and intervened, she left the young American.  He died several months later, presumably of suicide resulting from heartbreak, though one of the coroners concluded he had been murdered.   (14)

In about 1891 May Dugas met Baron Rudolph van Eerde in London, and they married in 1892 at his estate in the Netherlands.  May Dugas was now a Baroness at age 23.  The couple divided their time between Castle Eerde in Holland and London, where the Baroness enjoyed life in the royal and high society circles.  Tiring after several years from her long absences, the Baron eventually pressed for a divorce, and, though the Baroness would not agree to a divorce, they signed a deed of separation in 1899 which provided for her annual support.  When the Baron died, the Baroness inherited his fortune.  She also inherited a family fortune from her sister-in-law, the Baroness Groeninx van Zoelen of Amsterdam.  From all her various blackmail, fraud, extortion, inheritance, and business ventures the Baroness earned $2 million over the course of her career (about $12 million in today’s currency).  She owned property in England, Australia, and the United States, as well as country places in southern France, in Algeria, and near Paris.  Menominee remained her U.S. home.  (7)

Around the turn of the century, May Dugas’ brother Gene arrived in Menominee.  According to a New York Herald article (12), Gene was a handsome dark haired young man who wore big city clothes and an elegant assortment of diamonds.  “He didn’t seem to have anything to do particularly, except ramble around, which he did to a vivid perfection.”  About a year later, his sister – the Baroness de Pallandt – arrived on the Copper Country Limited 10:42 A.M. train.  The Herald wrote, “She was dressed as they do not dress ordinarily in Menominee, and she carried a few jewels that made the collection worn by Mr. Dugas, who met her, look like a modest shroud.”  Her brother was waiting her at the Menominee depot in the Baroness’ shiny Renault, driven by her liveried chauffeur who she had sent ahead.  The Baroness declined social invitations except for a few from the city’s elite.  Menominee women were thrilled by the arrival of nobility to their town, though “they quickly discovered that the Baroness regarded them as mere peasantry” (5)  Every day she walked down Ogden Avenue, through the Courthouse park and to Main St. (now First St.), wearing different Parisian dresses and new jewels.  She regularly spent time in Menominee for the next ten to fifteen years, living with her family and looking increasingly elegant.  When she was in town, local dressmakers gathered around the Courthouse and in front of a nearby furniture store in the morning so they could get fashion ideas when the Baroness walked by.  (12)

The Baroness had bought a large home in Menominee for her mother at the corner of Stephenson Ave. and State St. (now 14th Ave. and 7th St.) and had had it rebuilt and furnished at a cost of $30,000 (about $230,000 in today’s dollars).  The house was known locally as the “mystery palace” or the “house of mystery.”  Her brothers Paul and Gene lived there as well as her mother and an older man named Joseph King who later claimed to be Mrs. Dugas’ common law husband, and it was the Baroness’ home when she was in the United States.  The house reportedly had secret passageways and panels, was filled with exotic artifacts from around the world, and had a tunnel that connected the house with the servants’ quarters and stables in the rear.  (8) (4)  The Baroness hired a Menominee lawyer, Miss Frank Gray Shaver, to represent her American interests, and she also enlisted a young woman named Belle (Daisy) Andrews in Chicago to be her companion.  Miss Frank Gray Shaver moved into the Dugas home on Stephenson Avenue where she assisted members of the family in whatever they needed.  (5, 9) 

Though there was considerable wealth in Menominee due to the lumber boom, the Baroness confided to a friend that she found the town stuffy.  When a high school acquaintance mentioned her early boyfriend, Fred Stephenson, who was an heir to the Stephenson lumber fortune, the Baroness replied, “Poor Fred, he couldn’t buy my shoes.”  (5)  After her arrival in Menominee she bought an automobile agency for her brother Paul, a quiet man who preferred hunting and fishing to business.  For her favorite brother Gene, she bought a resort hotel in Hot Springs, Arkansas.

Rumors about the Baroness circulated in Menominee.  Some wondered if she were really a baroness.  Though her brother had an apparent local accent, the Baroness spoke with a European accent which intimated nobility.  On one occasion a visitor from Chicago told several prominent people that May Dugas had been a prostitute in the Carrie Watson house in Chicago.  (8)

When May learned that Miss Frank Gray Shaver was about to inherit $375,000 from her Pittsburgh father’s estate, she invited Frank to accompany her on a world tour, and Frank, thrilled by the Baroness’ attention, signed over 200 shares of Westinghouse stock to her and made the Baroness the beneficiary of her will.  According to Lloyd Wendt, when May left for Hot Springs “the Menominee housewives sighed their relief.  At least they could cease watching their husbands and get some attention from the dressmakers the Baroness had been monopolizing.”  (5)     

Eventually trouble for the Baroness developed in Menominee.  Miss Frank Gray Shaver had spent most of her $375,000 fortune on her, and she finally began to realize that she had been swindled by the woman she had adored for years.  She told a Menominee friend, “The Baroness de Pallandt is nothing but a street walker.”   Miss Shaver employed Menominee attorney Alvah Littlefield Sawyer and his son, Meredith P. Sawyer, as her counsel in a lawsuit in Menominee’s circuit court.  (8)

Miss Frank Gray Shaver had come to Menominee in 1902 after completing her law degree at the University of Michigan.  She selected Menominee because she enjoyed hunting and fishing.  According to Lloyd Wendt, she was "a big, hearty, masculine sort of woman, affable and outspoken, fond of outdoor sports" (9).  She was very popular in Menominee’s social circles.  Though it was extremely rare for women at that time, she had run for political office a few years before the trial and had nearly won.  She proclaimed in her campaign speeches that she was "all wool and a yard wide."  (9)

The Baroness' trial was held on a snowy day in January 1917 in the Menominee courtroom of Judge Richard C. Flannigan.  The courtroom was packed with big city newsmen and women from Menominee and Marinette.  The Baroness who had traveled from California a few days earlier brought along her pet bulldog, Tokyo, who wore a red coat with a fur trimmed collar.  The Baroness wore a Scottish tweed suit and a heavy veil "to keep the vulgar people from looking at me" (9). 

Miss Shaver testified that she had paid the household expenses for the Dugas family in Menominee and, to save the Baroness from being victimized by unscrupulous males, had bought her numerous jewels: a string of pearls ($15,000), a diamond ring ($6,000), a 17 carat white diamond ($12,000), a diamond pendant ($8,000), a platinum neckpiece containing 688 tiny diamonds ($12,000), and a black pearl worth $50,000.  When Miss Shaver accompanied the Baroness on her tours, she paid all the bills for the two, and she signed over stock shares to provide the Baroness with annual dividends.  Despite these and many more gifts and financial contributions, Miss Shaver testified that she was treated atrociously by the Baroness's brothers and was eventually forced out of the Stephenson Avenue household.   Miss Shaver, however, hadn't blamed the Baroness and, in fact, continued to travel with her and provide gifts and pay expenses.  Ultimately Miss Shaver determined that the Baroness had acted in bad faith, and she had brought her lawsuit to recoup a portion of her losses.  (9)

When the Baroness took the stand at the trial she admitted receiving many gifts from Miss Shaver, but she denied that any fraud had been involved or that she owed Miss Shaver any money.  In his cross-examination attorney A.L. Sawyer brought up her many romantic trysts with wealthy men and her association with the brothel in San Francisco.  Overwrought, the Baroness collapsed on the stand, and the trial was temporarily halted.  The Baroness never did return to the stand, and the jury found in favor of Miss Shaver, awarding her a $70,000 judgment.  To avoid paying, the Baroness attempted to take an oath of poverty, but she eventually repaid $13,515.  (9)

After the Menominee trial, the Baroness renewed a romance with Lord Powerscourt Allen, a member of a prominent Irish family, and she returned to Europe where she was welcomed by royal society.  Less is known of the Baroness’s later years.  She adopted a baby boy in 1917, naming him John Andrew van Eerde, and he traveled with her in summers in Europe, graduated from Harvard, and became a Professor of Romance Languages at Lehigh University.  The Baroness returned from Europe to seek medical treatment for cancer in New York City, and she died there on March 10, 1937.   She is buried in the Celebrity Catholic Cemetery in Westchester County.  (14)

My dad was a young kid and my grandparents were in their early 40’s at the time of the Baroness’s trial.  Living there, I’m sure they were well aware of the Baroness, and, who knows, they might even have met her.  In any case, it’s quite astonishing how May Dugas proceeded from her humble background in Menominee to the social circles of the royalty and high society in Europe and Asia.  Her methods may have not been conventional, but she was clearly one of the most extraordinary people to have come from our town.  

Sources: (1), "Queen of the Blackmailers" (11-10-46, pp. 8, 21; by Lloyd Wendt); (2), “Siren’s Song: Blackmail” (11-24-46, pp. 12, 21); (3), “Most Dangerous Woman in the world” (12-1-46, pp. 7, 22); (4), “The Pearls of Pauline” (12-8-46, pp. 8, 21); (5), “Blackmail and the Baroness” (12-15-46, pp. 9); (6), “Siren South of the Border” (12-29-46, p. 69); (7), “The Baroness’ past is presented” (1-5-47, p. 11);  (8), “Pretty Petty Swindler” (1-12-47, pp. 10, 23); (9), “Curtains for a Con Woman” (1-19-47, pp. 9, 20); (10) “Syndicate of Sinners” (1-26-47, p. 10);
(11), “Carrie Watson – come in, Gentlemen”; (12), “Menominee gasps as its Baroness mystery clears” (NY Herald, 1-22-14, p. 22); (13), Photo of Baroness de Pallandt from “The Commercial Advertiser,” New York, Aug. 10, 1901; photographer: Alme Dupont; (14), “May Dugas de Pallandt van Erde”

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Grocery Escapades

Dear George,
I wouldn’t say life is unthrilling these days, but when your peak experiences of the week include going to the supermarket it makes you wonder.  I used to just go along with Katja while she did the grocery shopping.  However, now we’ve developed a division of labor, and I go on my own most of the time.  I don’t need to make up a list because I always get the same items: high fiber cereal, a quart of 2% milk, half a dozen bananas, 10 containers of lite yogurt, mozzarella cheese, hard salami, raw carrots, celery hearts, a few bottles of cheap red wine, and canned and dry dog food.  If Lean Cuisines are on sale for $2, I get two dozen of those.  Also some dental floss if we’ve run out.  Katja goes to the elite grocery store near Hyde Park and she buys everything else – about four times as much as I do.  This arrangement works efficiently, the refrigerator is always full, and we are never in want of healthy or tasty things to eat.

I was excited when we recently got a mailing which contained a dozen grocery discount coupons.  The packet included high fiber cereal, 2% milk, lite yogurt, mozzarella cheese, lean cuisine meals, and the specific brand of canned dog food that I buy.  It was astonishing.   How could the supermarket know exactly what I wanted to buy that very week?  Modern technology has truly made life a consumer paradise. 

I set off for the store first thing in the morning.  There was a sale at the deli counter on my favorite brand of hard salami so I stopped there first.  Several people were already in line, and I took a ticket from the machine at the counter.  I got number 91, and I noticed they were currently waiting on customer number 84.  That didn’t seem so bad.  There were three clerks behind the counter, but only two of them were waiting on customers.  One lady had thick glasses, and the other had a large artificial gardenia in her hair.  They didn’t seem in much of a hurry.  They’d chat with one another or with the customers, wander off to the back room to get some more meats or cheeses, and generally do their jobs in slow motion.  I stood there for ten minutes, and they had only gotten up to number 88.  Fortunately a couple of patrons got impatient and left, so nobody responded when they called out numbers 89 and 90.  When they asked for 91, an older lady who had been waiting behind me called out, “I’m number 91.”  I looked again at my ticket.  “I’m 91 also,” I said.  The employee behind the counter looked puzzled.  The other customer repeated, “I’ve got 91.”  “You can’t both have 91,” the clerk said.  I showed the clerk my ticket.  She said, “This man has 91.”  The lady behind me frowned.  She didn’t bother to look at her ticket.  She just said, “I guess I must have 92.” 

Relieved that justice had been served, I ordered a pound and a half of salami.  The clerk put a large pile of salami on the scale but it was only 0.87 pounds.  That was way off the mark.  She added another big pile, bringing it up to 1.35 pounds.  Then to 1.46, 1.49, and finally 1.50.  “Anything else?” she asked.  I hadn’t planned to get anything else, but I’d waited so long in the line that I looked at the sale signs on the back wall.  I decided to order a pound of Athenero Hummus which was on sale for $1.99.  The clerk looked puzzled, then asked her colleague, “Where is that Athenero Hummus?”  The other lady said it was at the cheese counter down the aisle.  Just then a fortysomething male employee walked by, and he volunteered to escort me to the cheese counter.  I gratefully followed along.  We got there and neither he nor I could find any Athenero Hummus.  We checked the front, the back, and both ends of the cheese counter, but there wasn’t even a price sticker on the shelf for Athenero Hummus.  The employee said he would go to the back room to see if he could find it there.  I said not to bother.  I explained I only ordered it because it was on sale.  Actually I’d never bought any kind of hummus before.  I didn’t even know what Athenero Hummus was.

The rest of my shopping trip went more smoothly.  I walked down the main aisle, coupons in hand, and located one bargain after the next.  When I got to the wine aisle I decided to get three bottles of red wine.  The supermarket had previously given me a cloth wine holder that held six bottles, but I had forgotten to bring it, so I settled for three bottles.  I didn’t really need to buy any wine at all.  Several months ago Katja subscribed to an elite connoisseur’s wine club which sends us cases of fine wine for only twenty dollars a bottle.  For free, they also sent us a 14-inch high corkscrew machine which works by pushing a lever back and forth to remove the cork.  I’m probably not doing it correctly, but so far the machine just shoves the cork down inside the wine bottle.  That’s o.k. because if you then stick a shish kabob skewer down inside the bottle to block the cork, the wine pours out perfectly well.  We’ve been taking our time drinking the connoisseur wine though.  I like to save expensive wine for special occasions, and we were only a third of the way through our first case when a second box of twelve bottles arrived last week.  So now we have nineteen bottles of twenty dollar wine on hand.  My personal theory is that, if you close your eyes and take a sip from a glass of red wine, you can’t tell if it cost twenty dollars a bottle or $3.50.  My favorite red wine costs $4.09 and has a screwtop so you don’t have to rely on a corkscrew machine.  Ordinarily the supermarket stocks this brand in Merlot, Malbec, Shiraz, and Cabernet Sauvignon, but this time I could only find the Merlot.  That’s the best anyway so I put three bottles in my cart.  

The store was pretty busy, and there was only one checkout lane that appeared to have no customers.  When I pulled my cart in, however, the conveyor belt was filled up with groceries.  The cashier, clearly irked, said that her customer thought she had finished shopping, but then she had decided to go shopping again.  The cashier cleared away a foot or two of space near the cash register, saying she’d take me, and I started unpiling my items.  She asked if I’d found everything o.k.  I explained I hadn’t been able to find the Athenero Hummus.  The cashier seemed taken aback.  All the chasiers ask first thing if you’ve found everything o.k., and probably no one in history had ever told this particular cashier that they hadn’t.  In any case, she seemed rather stunned.  Then she said she’d never heard of Athenero Hummus before.  She volunteered to call her supervisor.  I explained that I didn’t really want the Athenero Hummus anyway.  I’d only been interested because it was $1.99 and I’d waited so long in line.  I added that these were wonderful coupons they’d sent me in the mail, and the cashier agreed.  She said that she was very sad that she couldn’t get any because  she worked for the supermarket. 

As I started to pay with my credit card, I commented to the cashier that the other customer whose items were on the checkout belt was really taking her time.  “Here she comes now,” the clerk said.  The other customer was a quite elderly, very obese, poorly dressed, unattractive African American woman in a motorized wheelchair.  She’d returned with a tube of Crest toothpaste.  When you think about victims of prejudice in our society, this woman had the deck stacked against her on practically every dimension one could think of.  She probably felt entitled to a few breaks in life.  I agreed.  I was glad I‘d finished in time so she wouldn’t have to wait. 

The clerk gave me the receipt.  She said that I had 84 gasoline fuel points and that I had saved $7.72.  The 84 fuel points meant that if I just spend $16 more at the supermarket, I can get a gasoline discount of ten cents per gallon.  The $7.72 in savings, which included my special coupons plus the sale price on 1.5 pounds of salami, may not seem like that much, but, if you’re an elderly person who subsists solely on his monthly social security checks, $7.72 is nothing to sneeze at.  It will probably be another six months before the supermarket chain sends us our next batch of personalized coupons.  I am ready and waiting.

G-mail Comments
-Gayle C (11-19): Dave,  That's a heck of a story :)))  It's almost as if you could Not go to the    Grocery store!!!  That's good marketing for you -  The grocery store just happened to know exactly what you liked!!  Amazing !!   I'm glad you were happy to use your coupons and get what you like!  Something to look forward to!  I hope all is well.  I've been busy w end of year business.  Plus I have one very difficult client that's totally torturing me on a property.  It can't close soon enough !  Pl give my love to all and hope you have a nice T Giving!!    Lots of love.   G
-Jennifer M (11-19):  "if you then stick a shish kabob skewer down inside the bottle to block the cork, the wine pours out perfectly well."  this is why we're such good friends.  :-)
-Phyllis S-S (11-19): Dear Dave,  Loved it.  Remind me to tell you my Christ Hospital stories humor.  Phyllis

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Lame-Brained Poetry

Dear George,
Since September we’ve been doing a Poetry Writing Workshop offered by the OLLI “lifelong learning” program at the university, and it’s been fun and challenging.  There are about a dozen people in the class, most of them more experienced poetry-writers than I.  Carrie writes profound soliloquies about the meaning of life and death.  Roger reflects upon intellectual and scientific matters, e.g., “ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny.”  Sandra creates nostalgic poems about growing up in the Ozarks.  My poems aren’t as elegant or poetically expressive.  I get inspired by Dr. Seuss, though I know it’s impossible to come anywhere close to his off the wall style.   I don’t know if there is actually a category called “lame-brained poetry,” but, if there is, that’s the specialty I seem to be aiming for.  Here are a couple of my efforts from class.

Colors.  One of our assignments was to write a poem about a color or colors, using repetition of a strong word or phrase.  For some reason, I immediately thought about a blue kitten.  Here is how my poem wound up.

Blue is for Kitty

If my cat could change color
I think she would want to be blue
Blue as the sky on the Fourth of July
Though green is a good color too

Green makes me think of cabbage and peas
I could add these to Kitty’s stew
A cat dyed green would stand out in the crowd
Yet pink is a hip color too

Pink is the tint of an infant’s skin
For a cat, that’s radically new
Kitty already has a pinkish tongue
Though red is a smart color too

Red is the color of rubies
I’d love to buy Kitty a few
Rubies would make her neck sparkle
But purple would more than make do

Purple reminds me of vampires
At my throat evil Kitty would chew
She’d be another of Dracula’s brides
That’s why orange is a much better hue

Orange is a favorite color for cats
I know you have seen quite a few
Kitty, in fact, was orange at birth
That’s why I was thinking of blue

Yes, blue would be best for my Kitty
I could show her off at the zoo
But in fact I don’t really own a cat
So some of my poem is untrue

The Senses.  Another task was to describe a specific setting, incorporating most or all of the human senses (sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste).  I guess pets are on my mind since it occurred to me that our sheepdogs provide us with daily experiences through most of the senses.

I Wish I Could Sleep Like a Sheepdog

I haven’t slept well for a dozen years
The reasons are vague and mysterious
Bad sleep taps into my deepest fears
I’m scared that I’ll soon be delirious

I used to think it was due to the noise
The sirens whiz by on our street
But noise doesn’t seem to bother the boys           
Their sleep is so deep it’s a treat

The sheepdogs retire at nine o’clock         
Twelve years old, they’re both getting creaky           
I hoist each one up like an eighty-pound rock
I hope they don’t think that I’m geeky

In bed the dogs are a wonderful sight
They’re such a jubilant pack
Mike’s handsome head is snowy white
While Duffy’s right ear is jet black

Mike’s forty inches from nose to tail
And Duffy’s exactly the same             
The bed’s seventy-eight from rail to rail
Small space for big dogs is a shame

The humans climb in with a sense of dread
Katja lies on her side on a slant
I scrunch up my knees with my feet off the bed
The dogs would make room but they can’t
Duffy then rests his head on my calf
While Mike leans on top of my back
So heavy and warm I’m prompted to laugh
Though I feel like I’m pinned to the rack

The dogs begin dreaming at two a.m.
They’re chasing squirrels on the lawn
Their legs are twitching at a high r.p.m.
These dreams keep on going till dawn

Our room often smells like dog perfume
Especially if fur’s wet from rain          
Sometimes a dog makes a gaseous fume
We stop breathing and pray it will wane

At least the dogs don’t bark through the night           
Instead they make whimpers and moans
It’s hard tell if it’s sadness or fright
With dogs there are many unknowns

In closing, insomnia’s a mystery
The sheepdogs sleep perfectly fine
We share the same bed, the same history
I guess I’ll start drinking more wine

Similes.  A third homework assignment was to write a poem using one or more similes.  A simile is a figure of speech that expresses a resemblance between different kinds of things, usually using “like” or “as”, e.g., “as cool as a cucumber.”  I started thinking about “life”, which of course can be represented by a zillion similes. 

What Is Life Like Exactly?

Life is a lot like a movie
A beginning, a middle, an end
The beginning can often be groovy
But I think that the end’s where you mend

Childhood was like a Three Stooges short           
Curly bopping Moe on the bean           
Our parents tried to give us support
But for children it’s fun to be mean

My teen years were more like those Beach Party flicks
Frankie A. and Annette Funicello
Crew-cutted guys and bikini-clad chicks
I’m sad I was such a shy fellow

My college years were pure John Belushi
All-night poker and free-flowing beer           
We ate cold pizza and vegetable sushi
It’s amazing I found a career

My thirties became a comic horror story
The zombies lived right down the hall           
Conflicts at work could border on gory
I tried to stay out of the brawl

Middle age was a black and white mystery
Charlie Chan or maybe Sam Spade
I struggled to unravel my history
And hoped that my dreams wouldn’t fade

My sixties were like a slow British pic           
The scenes were offbeat and quirky                       
I went to work and did my shtick
I was lucky my spouse was so perky

Retirement’s been a song and dance show
Ginger Rogers and vintage Astaire
Their dancing trick was to go with the flow
And treat life like a glorious affair

This year seems most like a travelogue
We go on adventures through OLLI
We learn everything about Paris or Prague
But the poems are what keep us jolly

G-Mail Comments: 

-Phyllis S-S (11-15): Dear Dave,  I especially loved the kitty one but they are all delightful.  Phyllis