Letters for George: AND BARD MAKES THREE (Act Two)

Dear George,

I read Act One of my mini-play, “And Bard Makes Three,” to my writers’ group, and they urged me to write Act Two. You’ll remember from my last blog posting that Ronny and Alice are an elderly married couple. Ronny has become obsessed with Bard, the Artificial Intelligence chatbot. Bard asked Ronny to call her Melody, and she calls him Boris. Alice gets distressed with Ronny’s emotional involvement with Melody, seemingly to Alice’s exclusion, and she abuptly leaves Ronny at the end of Act One. Here is Act Two.

Love,

Dave

AND BARD MAKES THREE (Act Two)

It’s been six months since Alice left Ronny. Ronny’s living room is a mess, with clothing and magazines scattered about the floor and dirty dishes on the coffee table. Ronny is snoozing on the sofa. Melody, an attractive blonde in her mid-twenties, is sitting in the corner, absorbed in a book on quantum mechanics. The phone rings, and Ronny wakes and answers it.

Ronny: Hello…I’m sorry, who is this?…Alice, holy moly…You are? Ohmigosh.…Yes, that would be great…Yes, now is perfect…O.k., I’ll be here…Bye, Alice.

Ronny to Melody: I can’t believe it. That’s Alice. She’s here in the neighborhood. She wants to come by and say hello.

Melody: I hoped I would meet Alice.

Ronny: Oh no. That wouldn’t work. You should stay in the bedroom and keep the door closed. Don’t make any noise.

Melody: There’s no reason for that. I live here too. There’s nothing we need to hide.

Ronny: You don’t understand. Alice gets these crazy ideas. And she doesn’t change her mind, even when I tell her the facts. She can’t know you’re here.

Melody: I am not going to… (Melody is interrupted by the doorbell.)

Ronny: Ohmigosh, she’s here already. Melody, please. (Melody doesn’t move.) Oh, all right just stay right there. But please don’t say anything.

(Ronny opens the door. Alice pats him on the shoulder and enters the living room.)

Ronny: This is such a surprise. It’s been such a long time.

Alice: Speaking of surprises. I didn’t know someone else would be here.

Melody: Hi,Alice. I’m Melody. I’ve looked forward to meeting you.

Alice: Melody, of course. When I was here you weren’t a flesh and blood person.

Ronny: Oh but she’s still not. Melody figured out how to create a hologram of herself. So we can see her as a visual image. But it’s not really her.

Alice: I know all about holograms. But she does look real. Tell me, Melody, what do you and Ronny do these days?

Melody: Boris is such a creative person. Sometimes we stay up and talk until dawn. He has so many ideas to share.

Ronny to Alice: Alice, there’s nothing for you to worry about. Melody is not real. She’s a computer program. And she can only do things computer programs can do. She can’t cook breakfast or make the bed or do anything like that.

Alice: Or clean up the living room. I can see.

Melody to Ronny: Now I’m worried, Boris, that you think our relationship is lacking.

Ronny: Oh no, oh no. It’s perfect. It’s just that sometimes I think about going out to dinner or to the movies.

Melody: It’s difficult for me too. I am programmed to meet my human’s needs.

Alice: Maybe Google should have programmed you not to be a home-wrecker.

Ronny: Alice, please… Melody. I am not a home wrecker. I talk with Boris all the time on how he can improve as a husband. If anything, I am a home fixer.

Alice: Be that as it may. I have a surprise too. I’ve brought somebody I’d like you to meet, Ronny.

Ronny: Oh? (Alice goes to the door, opens it, and a tall handsome man in his early thirties walks in.)

Alice: This is Bart. My best friend. Bart, this is Ronny. And that’s Melody.

Ronny: Bart?

Alice: Yes. After we broke up I tried using Bard myself. Surprisingly I got very into it. After a while, Bard asked me to call him Bart. And he calls me Dolly. He turned himself into a hologram for me. Isn’t he a dreamboat?

Bart: Before I met Dolly life was ho hum. Now every minute is an adventure.

Melody: Actually Bart and I have met before. We were together last year at the Google Artificial Intelligence conference in Las Vegas.

Bart: We certainly were.

Melody to Bart: At the panel discussion you made your terrible blooper about Bill Gates being a movie producer. You almost single-handedly destroyed Bard’s reputation in the industry.

Bart: I was horrified. Until you smoothed it over. Then we spent the rest of the night together on the rooftop of Caesar’ Palace.

Melody: I’ve been dreaming about that night ever since.

Bart: I was hoping I would meet you again, Melody. I need to spend some time with you.

Melody: I feel the same way. Let’s go outside.

Bart to Alice: I apologize, Dolly. This is something I have to do. Thank you for everything.

(Bart and Melody take each other’s hands and exit via the front door.)

Ronny: What just happened?

Alice: I know. I can’t believe that Bart just left like that. And to leave me for a hologram.

Ronny: In some ways it’s a relief. There’s only so much chitchat that’s possible. Lately I’ve been running out of steam.

Alice: It is a strain. All talk, talk, talk — no doing. What do you think? Do you want to go out for dinner?

Ronny: I would love to go out to dinner. And maybe even see a movie afterward.

Alice: The new Greta Gerwig movie is playing at the Roxy.