SIXTY-FIVE

 

Dear George, 

We have to grapple with such large numbers these days. Sixty-five. That’s the wedding anniversary that we celebrated yesterday at La Bar a Boeuf. I can’t imagine our marriage being that long. Subjectively I would think twenty-five, maybe thirty years. Where did all that time go? 

Our wedding was on the Antioch campus in Yellow Springs on August 28, 1960. After a one-night honeymoon in downtown Dayton, we packed up and set off for graduate studies at the University of Michigan. I think of our Ann Arbor stay as our honeymoon years. We were so excited to be married and tried to figure out how to do everything together. Initially we decided to make joint decisions on all purchases (e.g., groceries, toothpaste, furniture). This proved burdensome, however, so we decided that Katja (as the more adult member) should make all purchases (a decision that I wish we’d thought more about). 

In 1966 we moved to Cincinnati where I’d taken a job as a faculty member in the Departments of Psychology and Sociology at the University of Cincinnati. This was a hard time on Katja and consequently on our marriage. We’d been equal peers throughout our undergraduate and graduate studies, but now, suddenly, I was “the Professor” and she was “the Professor’s wife”, an appellation shared by most faculty spouses. I became immersed with my career, while Katja was trying to figure out what to do next. 

All that changed in 1969 when Katja gave birth to our son, Justin. We were enthralled with our new kid, and parenting together gave new meaning to our marriage. Our newfound family became the center of our life. By age eleven Justin had taken up competitive junior tennis. He was very successful, and Katja and I became maniacal tennis parents. Our child’s athletic success spilled over into good feelings about our family as a whole. 

In 1987 Justin left for college, and we became “empty nesters”. While that meant more time together, we’d been a “threesome” so long that now we felt incomplete. Katja, however, had returned to school and gotten an M.S.W. degree, taking a job as a social worker at the Cincinnati Association for the Blind. We both were busy with our careers. 

The biggest subsequent change in our married lives was when we retired, I in 2009 and Katja i 2011. Such a dramatic change in our lives. Among other things we were together virtually all of the time and had near-complete freedom in what we wanted to do. I think of these retired years as one of the happiest and most fulfilling times in our marriage. I can’t even remember a time in recent years that we’ve quarreled. As we get older, we’re subject to more medical problems, but we’re both there for each other with care and support. We are very lucky to have lived together so long, and I look forward to our future wedding anniversaries. 

Love, 

Dave