Paul Bunyan, U.P. Lumberjack

Dear George,

Growing up on the Menominee River, we were well aware of the lore of the nineteenth century logging industry in our region.  The best-known legends, of course, were about Paul Bunyan who roamed Northern Michigan and Wisconsin.  Here are some of the Paul Bunyan tales, set to poetry.

Love,

Dave

The Ballad of Paul Bunyan

The most famous figure in my home town

Was Paul Bunyan, the North’s lumberjack

He dug the Menominee River

He could level ten pines with one whack

Paul Bunyan was born in Menominee County

He weighed over two hundred pounds 

It took eight storks to deliver him

Six wet-nurses made daily rounds

Each time baby Paul rolled over in his sleep

He would flatten an acre of trees

His parents built a raft in the midst of Green Bay

But Oconto would flood when he’d sneeze

As a child Paul Bunyan was not only strong

He was faster than a lightning arc

He could turn off his light and leap into bed

Before his room even got dark

Paul found a blue ox in a snowdrift

Took him home and young Babe grew so fast

A crow took an hour to fly twixt Babe’s horns

When he burped, buildings crumbled from the blast

Babe could pull anything Paul asked of him

For example, their crooked logging road

Babe pulled on that road till it straightened out

And that new road carried ten times the load

Babe was in need of a watering hole

Paul Bunyan dug a hole with his axe

Today it’s the Lake called Superior

Pictured Rocks were formed by Babe’s tracks

Paul and Babe took a hike through Minnesota

Their footprints in the earth were so big

Those depressions became the 10,000 lakes

And Babe drank them up in one swig

A log jam blocked the Menominee River

Paul poked Babe’s derriere with a spear

Babe swished his tail and broke up the jam 

And the river stayed clear for a year

The axe men in Paul’s camp were seven feet tall

And each had the same name of Sven

When Paul called out “Sven” the whole crew came running

Dragging sled-loads of logs from the glen

Sourdough Sam made pancakes at their camp 

His griddle covered thirteen full acres

Twenty-five men with bacon on their feet

Greased that griddle to help out the bakers

Paul Bunyan enjoyed a pipe after dinner

And he blew his smoke far away

It floated westward over the hills

Creating the smog in L.A.  

The winter of ’07 was so brutally cold

The axe men’s words froze in mid-air 

Those words remained frozen until the spring thaw

Then they heard melting chatter everywhere

No one is certain where Paul is today

Some think he is at the North Pole
They say he returns to the U.P. each May

Bringing Babe for a leisurely stroll 

Baby Fiona: Here's a Dose of Happiness

Image source: www.cincinnatizoo.org

Dear George,

Few things give me as much pleasure these days as baby Fiona.  For those outside the Cincinnati area, Fiona is a two-month old hippopotamus born to parents Bibi and Henry at our zoo on Jan. 24, 2017.  Thanks to wonders of the modern age, the zoo has provided video updates on Fiona’s progress since her birth.  She was six weeks premature, and her early life was precarious.  The previous lowest recorded birthweight for a hippopotamus newborn had been 54 pounds, but Fiona only weighed 29.  Unable to stand to nurse from her mother, she was tube-fed in early weeks and only started regular bottle feeding in late February.  The zoo staff has given Fiona 24/7 care since her birth.  The wonderful news is that Fiona has made steady progress with her human care and is doing better every day.  Fiona reached 101 pounds on March 21.  She spends time in her pool about five times a day, and she’s more and more adept moving about her enclosure.  To see Fiona in action, search “Fiona Cincinnati Zoo” on YouTube, and you will get a couple dozen videos: Fiona feeding, napping, floating in her pool, splashing about, playing with toys, running in her cage, stretching her jaws, eating hay, and enjoying life.  I hope you’ll try one or two.  I can’t think of a better pick-me-up for a rainy spring day. 

Love, 

Dave    

SOURCES:  www.cincinnatizoo.org: “Hippy baby arrives six weeks early — Cincinnati zoo staff providing critical care for premature calf” (Jan. 24. 2017); “Hippo Baby Fiona Updates” (Jan. 25, 2017).

Sweet Sophie: The End of Our Sheepdog Lives

Dear George,

Our Old English Sheepdog era has come to its end.  We lost Mike and Duffy over a year ago, but we’ve been lucky to still have had regular doggie time with their younger sister Sophie (owned by our friend Donna).  The three dogs were a pack throughout their lives, going on frequent outings to Miami Whitewater Forest and elsewhere, and Sophie has been a regular visitor to our house since puppyhood.  Donna called me last Saturday (March 11) to see if I were available to help take Sophie to the vet.  Sophie hadn’t eaten for three or four days, had drunk very little, had diarrhea, and was very lethargic.  The vet suggested that she was approaching her life’s end, and Donna made the hard decision to have her euthanized.  Lot of tears.

Donna asked what was special about March 11, Sophie’s last day, and the one thing I thought of was that the annual St. Patrick’s Day parade was going on in downtown Cincinnati.  When I googled St. Patrick a little later, it turned out that he had been kidnapped by pirates as a teenager and had spent six years as a sheepherder.  There are dozens of greeting cards with St. Patrick and his Old English Sheepdog on the Web.  The next day I joined Donna for a hike in Eden Park because we always took the dogs there each spring to see the magnolias in bloom.  The temperature had dropped to nineteen on the night that Sophie died, and all the magnolia blossoms had died as a consequence.  It felt as though the magnolia gods were also grieving.  

Sophie was a great pleasure to Donna and to everyone else she came in contact with.  She was a very smart dog, very loving, playful, and loyal.  She adored Donna, and she felt at home at our house too.  Sophie stayed with us every now and then when Donna made family trips to Nashville, and it has always been a treat to have her in the house.  Our experiences with sheepdogs will stick in our memories forevermore.  Here are a few pics from the last several years which are reminders of Sophie’s many looks.

Love,

Dave

Detrumping

Dear George,

One of my favorite words during my college years was “ennui”.  Dictionary.com defines it as: “a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest.”  I’d sort of forgotten about this excellent term until recently when I started reflecting on my emotional state of emptiness and sudden need for naps.  I’ve been unable to put my finger on the source of these feelings until I started thinking about what my typical day is like.  It goes as follows:

• 9:30-ish:  Read the latest Trump news in the Cincinnati Enquirer.  
• 10 to 6:  Check Google News 3 or 4 times during the day to get Trump updates. 
• 5:30:  Read all the New York Times stories and editorials about Trump.  
• 6:30: Watch NBC News for Trump news.
• Evening: Check MSNBC or CNN off and on for Trump critiques.
• 11:00: Watch the Daily Show for Trump satire.
• 11:35: Watch Stephen Colbert’s monologue about Trump
• Midnight: Go to sleep and get rested for the next day of Trump-watching.  

This sounds like a joke, but, in fact, it’s reasonably accurate.  Talk about satiety.  I can’t think of any time in my lifetime that the media has devoted as much attention to a new president.  The connection between Trump and the media seems to be a symbiotic one.  Trump feeds off attention, and the contribution of media attention to his popularity doesn’t seem to depend on whether it’s positive or negative in content.  The media, at the same time, are thriving.  Despite  (or more likely because of)Trump’s constant attacks, CNN ratings are up about 40% from a year ago.  New York Times subscriptions have increased 1000% since Trump’s election.  The Times gripes about the media’s excessive attention to Trump, but they devote around 50% of their daily editorial space to heated criticisms of Trump and his administration.  

I’d like to think that my excessive media habits mean that I’m doing my duty as a citizen by keeping in touch with current events.   Maybe that’s about 5% of it.  A much bigger chunk is something like obsessively watching a horror story.  The administration’s actions have damaging consequences for major sectors of the American populace: women, immigrants and refugees, Muslim-Americans, gays and lesbians, the elderly, African-Americans, the poor, and, when it comes down to it, just about everyone else.  It’s like reading about serial killings or terrorist attacks.  It’s horrible, but it grabs your attention.  Then there is simultaneously a comedy side.  There is a weird cast of characters, and the administration is sufficiently chaotic that it’s a bit like watching the Keystone Kops.  The late-night talk show hosts can’t keep up with all the material.  However, humor can only go so far.  At its core, this is the opposite of funny stuff.    

So, going back to ennui, I’d say that my feelings of ennui are tied to my belief that  we, as a nation, are teetering toward calamity.  Following media accounts of Trump’s words and actions is sort of like breathing toxic air all day long.  It’s no wonder that people feel terrible.   Part of me says to simply tune it all out — turn off the TV, read the sports page instead of the editorials.  I doubt if I’ll do that though.  However, I’d like to be more aware of what I’m doing and why.  I feel like I’m falling prey to Trump’s antics and the media’s highlighting of them.  It’s time to try to get some detachment and perspective.  Just how to do that is another question. 

Love,

Dave

Wonders of Nature: The Amazing Hummingbird

Dear George,

Growing up in the country, we were in much more immediate touch with various flora and fauna than we’ve been during our adult urban lives.  The hummingbird was perhaps the most astonishing creature that lived on our property on the Menominee River.  My mother had a garden that ran along the west side of our front lawn, and we’d frequently watch the tiny, brilliantly colored hummingbirds hover over a flower, then dart in and extract its nectar.  Drawing from the sources listed at the end, here are some of the facts about hummingbirds that make them true wonders of nature.

Love,

Dave

• Hummingbirds have lived on earth for about 42 million years.  They evolved simultaneously with nectar-bearing plants.  
• Hummingbirds are native to the Americas: Central and South America, North America, and the Caribbean. There are 328 known species of hummingbirds.  Most live in tropical regions of Central and South America, while 17 are native to the U.S.  Only the ruby-throated hummingbird is found east of the Mississippi.   
• Hummingbirds are among the world’s smallest birds.  The smallest known bird is the Bee Hummingbird, measuring less than 2 inches in length.   The Giant Hummingbird is nine inches long and weighs 0.8 ounces.  
• Hummingbirds are named for the sound made by their tiny, beating wings.   A hummingbird’s wings beat up to 80 times per second.  Male hummingbirds’ wings give off a shrill whistle that can be detected by females over a hundred yards away. 
• Hummingbirds hover in the air by flapping their wings in a figure-8 pattern.  They are the only vertebrates able to hover.  They are also the only birds that can fly right, left, up, down, backwards, and upside down.    
• Hummingbirds can typically fly up to 35 miles per hour.  The green violet-ear hummingbird can fly 93 miles per hour.   
• Except for certain insects, hummingbirds have the highest metabolic rate of any bird or animal. Their heart rates can reach 1,260 beats per minute, and, even at rest, they breathe 250 times a minute.  During flight, a hummingbird’s oxygen consumption is ten times higher than that of human Olympic athletes. 
• Hummingbirds use their feet only for perching and not for hopping or walking.   
• Hummingbirds drink nectar from flowers, supplementing their need for nutrients by eating flying insects and spiders.  The average hummingbird eats half its weight in sugar every day.  If humans ate as much as hummingbirds, they would consume 155,000 calories a day.  
• Hummingbirds’ tongues have tubes which help them to drink nectar.   They lick their food at a rate of up to 13 licks per second.  Hummingbirds have been observed visiting up to 20 flowers a minute.  
• Thousands of plants in the Americas rely on hummingbirds for pollination.  
• Hummingbirds spend 10-15% of their time feeding and 75-80% sitting and digesting their food intake.  
• Hummingbirds are very territorial and have been observed chasing larger birds like hawks away from their territories. 
• Most U.S. hummingbirds migrate south for the winter, traveling as much as 3,900 miles (over 78 million times the body length of a 3-inch hummingbird).  
• To conserve energy, hummingbirds go into a state of torpor at night, their metabolic rate dropping to 1/15th of its normal rate.   Their body temperature drops from 105 degrees F. to 65 F.  
• Like parrots, hummingbirds are able to acquire new songs through imitation. 
• Hummingbirds take baths several times a day, splashing in shallow water.  
• Hummingbirds use spider silk to bind their nests together.   
• The Aztec god, Huitzilopochtli, is often depicted as a hummingbird.  The Aztecs believed that fallen warriors return to earth as hummingbirds and butterflies.  
• Many hummingbird species are listed as vulnerable or endangered due to habitat loss and/or climate change.  34 hummingbird species are threatened with extinction.   

SOURCES: www.animals.sandiegozoo.org, “Hummingbird”; www.defenders.org, “Basic Facts About Hummingbirds”; www.hummingbirdsociety.org, “The Hummingbird Society”;  www.nationalzoo.si.edu, “Hummingbirds”; www.wikipedia.org, 

“Hummingbird” 

Grandkid Poem

Dear George,

Here is a poem about our grandkids, L and V.  It’s hard to say whether this actually happened or whether it’s made up from alternative facts.

Love,

Dave

V and L’s Fantastic Adventure

L and V had just turned eight

They were nervous that life might get boring

They snuck out at midnight and boarded a ship

Prepared for some serious exploring

             

The ship ran into a raging storm

The children were tossed in the ocean

Over the waves V saw a White Whale

She beckoned with a friendly motion

The whale carried the children back to the shore

And deposited them right on the beach

L and V ran into the jungle

They ate coconuts and a peach

The jungle was filled with many different creatures

Hippos, giraffes, kangaroos

L made friends with an eight-foot lion

And V gave the zebras tattoos

Just then a band of pirates captured the kids

And locked them up tight in a tank

They were chained to the walls and hung upside down 

Mere hours till they’d walk the gangplank

But L figured out how to undo his chains

He undid his sister V’s too 

They snuck right out of that prison cell

And escaped without leaving a clue

On the jungle trail they heard loud snorting

A giant dragon breathing fire and smoke

V asked the dragon to be their friend

He grinned as he gave her a poke

The children jumped onto the dragon’s back

And they flew to the top of the mountain

There they discovered the ancient one 

Saying prayers at a mystical fountain

The ancient one told them secrets of life

And instructed them in potions and spells 

L read the future from a crystal ball

And V learned to ring magic bells

The dragon then flew them down to the beach

And soon they were back on a freighter

Three weeks at sea, they were home again

Their parents’ gift?  A pink alligator!

Our Favorite Movies of 2016

Dear George,

The Oscars are almost upon us, so I thought it time to post my list of movie favorites for 2016.  We usually try to see most of the best picture nominees, but we fell short this year, missing out on Arrival, Fences, Hacksaw Ridge, and Hell or High Water.  Even so, I don’t think 2016 was a great year for movies.  My ten favorites are below, listed in order.  I notice that only two of my top ten choices were nominated by the Academy for major awards (which leads me to conclude that the Academy’s judgment is suspect).

Love,

Dave

Top Ten

(1) Hail, Caesar!  Josh Brolin, George Clooney.  Eddie Mannix, a 1950s Hollywood fixer, struggles to keep the studio’s stars in line.  A witty spoof by the Coen brothers of everything about the movies of our youth.  Rotten Tomatoes: 83%; Blog: A-.

(2) Café Society.  Jesse Eisenberg, Kristen Stewart, Steve Carrell.  In the 1930s a young Bronx native falls in love with the secretary of his powerful Hollywood uncle, an agent to the stars, then is swept up in the vibrant world of high society nightclub life in NYC.  Woody Allen reminds us once again that love and relationships are complicated beyond human comprehension.  Rotten Tomatoes: 74%; Blog: A-. 

(3) Hidden Figures.  Tara P. Henson, Octavia Spencer.  The untold story of three brilliant African-American working women who were the brains behind John Glenn’s space orbit.  You know a movie depiction is powerful when it makes mathematics brimming with suspense and excitement.  Rotten Tomatoes: 92%; Blog: A-.  

(4) Loving.  Joel Edgerton, Ruth Negga.  An interracial couple in the 1960s fight all the way to the Supreme Court for their right to live in their Virginia home town.  A horrifying reminder of times not so long ago (Katja and I were newly married in this era) and superbly acted and crafted.  Rotten Tomatoes: 90%; Blog: A-. 

(5) Marguerite.  Catherine Frot, Andre Marcon.  Marguerite Dumont, a wealthy woman and opera lover, loves to sing for friends, but problems begin when she decides to perform in front of a real audience.  A gem of a movie with universal human truths and an Oscar-worthy performance by the lead.  Rotten Tomatoes: 95%; Blog: A-. 

(6) Paterson.  Adam Driver, Golshifteh Farahan.  A quiet observation of the triumphs and defeats of daily life for a bus driver and his wife, along with the poetry evident in its smallest details.  We learn again that life is quirky, routine but mysterious, comic and tragic, and filled with poetry.  Rotten Tomatoes: 95%; Blog: A-. 

(7) A Man Called Ove.  Rolf Lassgard, Bahar Pars.  An elderly, isolated retiree has given up on life until a boisterous young family moves in next door and an unlikely friendship forms.  A touching story about the potential for change and self-realization in one’s older years.  Rotten Tomatoes: 93%; Blog: A-

(8) Things To Come (L’Avenir).  Isabelle Huppert.  When Nathalie’s husband announces he is leaving her for another woman, she must reinvent her life.  Despite the film’s low-key pace, Isabelle Huppert’s masterful portrayal makes this a spellbinder.  Rotten Tomatoes: 100%; Blog: A-. 

(9) Nocturnal Animals.  Jake Gyllenhaal, Amy Adams.  A divorced couple discovers dark truths about each other and themselves.  A complex interplay between Susan’s current painful life, her ex-husband’s violent novel, and their early failed marriage — deep and dark.  Rotten Tomatoes: 72%; Blog: A-. 

(10) Moonlight.  Mahershala Ali, Naomie Harris.  The heartbreaking story of a young black man’s struggle to find himself during three periods of life while experiencing the pain and beauty of falling in love and grappling with his own closeted sexuality.  Painful, touching, well-acted and beautifully filmed.  Rotten Tomatoes: 98%; Blog: A-.  

Here’s the rest of the batch that we saw during the year (listed in order within each ratings category): 

-Rated B+:  The Eagle Huntress; The Jungle Book; The Nice Guys; La La Land; Dark Horse; The Accountant; Our Kind of Traitor; The Beatles; Florence Foster Jenkins; Manchester by the Sea; Allied; The Innocents; Elle; Lion

-Rated B: Sully, Maggie’s Plan; Wiener-Dog; Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them; Viva; The Magnificent Seven; I Am Not Your Negro; The Legend of Tarzan; Captain Fantastic; Dr. Strange

-Rated B-: The Finest Hours; Jason Bourne; 45 Years; Southside With You; Ghostbusters; Heart of a Dog; The Lady in the Van; The Conjuring; Silence

-Rated C+: Sing Street; Queen of Katwe; The Salesman

-Rated C: Dheepan; A Bigger Splash

-Rated C-: Francofonia; Jackie

-Rated D or below: Money Monster; Independence Day: Resurgence

THE END

Saint Valentine: The Movie Script

Dear George, 

Although Valentine’s Day has been celebrated since 496 A.D., almost nothing is known about the original St. Valentine himself.  Historians do know his name, that he was martyred on February 14 around the year 270 A.D., and that he was initially buried on the Flaminian Way north of Rome.  That’s about it for verified facts.  However, there are a number of myths and legends about St. Valentine, most of which appeared in church writings over the next 1200 years.  If you put all those legends together, the story of St. Valentine has the definite makings of a blockbuster movie.  Here is my outline for a script.*

Valentine was the Bishop of Interamna (modern-day Terni) in central Italy in the third century.  On a temporary visit to Rome in 273 he was imprisoned by the evil emperor Claudius who was engaged in persecuting Christians.  In violation of Roman law, Valentine had been aiding Christians to escape from prison and marrying Christian couples so that the husbands would not have to go to war in Claudius’ army.  Surprisingly, the emperor took a liking to his priestly prisoner.  However, Valentine refused to sacrifice to the pagan gods and instead attempted to convert the emperor to Christianity.  In response, Claudius demanded that Valentine renounce his beliefs or be executed.  When Valentine proved unwavering in his faith, Claudius condemned him to death.  In the days before his execution, Valentine, through his prayers, restored the sight of the blind daughter of his jailer, Asterius.  Asterius was so amazed and grateful that he converted to Christianity on the spot.  Valentine had fallen in love with the daughter who had been visiting him in the jail.  On the day of his execution, Feb. 14, 273, Valentine left her a note that was signed, “From your Valentine” (this being, of course, the first Valentine card).   He was initially beaten with clubs and stoned.  When that failed to kill the valiant priest, Valentine was decapitated by Roman soldiers and buried at a nearby cemetery along the Flaminian Way.  Several nights later his disciples dug up his body and returned him to Interamna.  St. Valentine’s skull is on display today in the Basilica of Santa Maria in Cosmedin, Rome, and other remains are located in Poland, France, Austria, Malta, and Scotland.  We know St. Valentine as the patron saint of lovers, beekeeping, epilepsy, and the plague.

This story, of course, has all the ingredients of a Best Picture winner at the Oscars: romance, suspense, villainy, violence, faith, soldiers, heroism, even a miracle.  It would be particularly moving if set to music and directed by Damien Chazelle of La La Land fame.  Actually Ryan Gosling could be Valentine, and Emma Stone would be perfect as the jailer’s daughter.  I would cast Johnny Depp as the Emperor Claudius.  I don’t know if Hollywood will follow up and make this movie, but, even if they don’t, it’s still enlightening to resurrect the plot line on this special holiday.

Love,

Dave    

*SOURCES: www.catholic.org, “St. Valentine”; www1.cbn.com, “St Valentine, the Real Story”; www.history.com, “History of Valentine’s Day”; www.history.com, “6 Surprising Facts About St. Valentine”; www.wikipedia.org, “Saint Valentine”