Four Generations of Dads

Dear George,

Father’s Day had me thinking about my childhood and my dad, missing him, and wishing we could have some time together again. I think I would have more to say and ask about than I did in my younger years. My father used to recount with amusement the story of when he and I flew down to Miami Beach in order to drive my vacationing grandfather back to Menominee. I was about thirteen, my dad in his early 40s, and my grandfather in his 60s. It was a seventeen hundred mile, four or five-day trip, and according to my dad -- aside from checking the map or asking for a rest stop -- we three generations of Swedish males never uttered a word to one another the entire trip. Times have changed, but I wonder how the journey might have gone with my dad, myself, and my son J as a 13-year-old. It might have been different (or it might not).

Here are a couple of early photos of my grandfather, VAL Sr., with his sons. I don’t know much about their early family life. My granddad was a successful, hard-working pharmacist and businessman with four kids. My dad was the oldest. I remember my grandfather as a gentle, softspoken, serious man. My recollection from family oral history is that my grandmother was the more gregarious, outspoken spouse, and she played the primary role in bringing up the children.

V.A.L. Sr. with Vic (circa (1920)

V.A.L. Sr. & Olga L. with twins Kent & Karl (circa 1920)

Vic and Doris loved their four children, but they were from a generation that believed in strict child-rearing, and they seemed (at least to me) to subscribe to the tenet that children should be seen but not heard. Doris was more emotionally expressive and directly involved in child-rearing, while my father played a traditional patriarchal role. You can sense some of that formality and traditionalism in these family images.

Vic with infant son David (1937)

Vic reads to David & Steven (1943)

Vic & Doris with Steve & Dave (circa 1945)

In contrast to my parents’ four-child family, Katja and I had a single child, and that made a big difference in family dynamics. It was the 70’s, gender roles were undergoing transformation, and fathers’ parental involvement had become a byword. We were much more child-centered than my parents and lavished attention on J. Basically we operated as a threesome throughout J’s childhood and I probably regarded my son more as a playmate than an offspring. This probably had mixed consequences, though, according to these photos, it looks like it was mostly fun.

J gets a ride from his dad (1971)

Dave & J watch TV (1972)

Out for a boat ride (circa 1972)

J and K were very eager to start raising a family, and they greeted V’s arrival in the world with complete excitement and commitment. Watching J as a parent, we’re struck not only by his boundless love for their child, but his joy in being a parent. It makes us proud, and one can see the positive effects in V’s secure, happy manner.

J hands V to her Grandma (2009)

J & V at the Butterfly Show (2010)

J & V at Pacifica, CA (2010)

All in all, I have to conclude that fatherhood is o.k. (well, actually, better than o.k.).

Love

Dave

G-Mail Comments

-Jennifer M (6-22): :-)

-Gayle C-L (6-22): David. This is. All so Beautiful. I am sorry I couldn't make the wedding. Work is very busy right now the Market is tough.. I miss everyone. I will see u at Chris ' s wedding. Give my love to all

Take care. G

-KKB (6-22): absolutely wonderful! it made me a little weepy. on sunday, V and i got up and made blueberry pancakes and brought them to J in bed. we also sang happy father's day and she gave him a card. while we were eating in bed, i reminded V she had picked the blueberries herself (with some help). I said "what kind of pancakes are these, sweetie?"

she thought for a minute and said "Happy Daddy Cakes!" i have a feeling we will always call blueberry pancakes "happy daddy cakes"....

love, K