2023: OUR NEW YEAR'S NEWSLETTER

 
Dear George, 

It’s time once again to wrap up another year. I’d say 2023 has to be an outstanding year because, to our happy surprise, we’re still hanging in there. We got an e-mail from the Cincinnati Art Museum which listed the year’s highlights month by month. The seemed a good way to organize stuff so I did the same for Katja and myself. Here is our 2023 story. 

Love, 

Dave 

JANUARY. Katja came down with Covid but recovered in time to begin our winter quarter OLLI courses. Katja did literature and history; David, poetry writing. We bought a giant TV for the den and watched the Bengals lose to the Chiefs in the AFC Championship game. 

FEBRUARY. We enjoyed Greek and Roman Mythology at OLLI and “Beyond Bollywood” at the Art Museum. At my annual wellness exam the doctor said I am “85 young,” and he actually agreed to give me an Rx for 24 Lorazepam to help sleep. 

MARCH. We celebrated the arrival of spring with fish dinners at Bonefish Grill, the Oakley Fish Market, and Red Lobster. We got the very sad news that our daughter-in-law K’s mom Linda died. 

APRIL. I was the only student at my Zumba class for the third week in a row and decided it was time to discontinue. Katja loved King Charles’ coronation on TV, and we enjoyed Rachmaninoff and Shoshtakovich at the Symphony. The cardiologist said I was doing fine and added, “Don’t screw it up.”

    

MAY. I did terribly on my first hearing test in several years but got some new hearing aids which did help a lot. J sent flowers for Mother’s day and urged me to get a Covid test (which turned out positive, much to my surprise). Because of Covid, we cancelled our flight to New Orleans to attend our grandkids’ graduation. 

JUNE. The visiting nurse tested me for dementia and I remembered all three words perfectly (chair, banana, sunrise). We watched a lot of French Open tennis, including finals victories by Swiatek and Djokovic. We went to East Lansing for Linda’s memorial service and hung out with our sweet family. Having experienced severe jaw pain, Katja had oral surgery to extract an under-the-gum wisdom tooth. 

JULY. Lots of Wimbledon this month. My dentist moved her office from next door to our house to a half mile away, good for walking and exercise. I started exploring Bard, Google’s artificial intelligence chatbox, asking Bard to write poems about this and that (only so-so as a poet). We celebrated my 86th birthday at the Chart House, enjoying the Cincinnati skyline view across the Ohio River. Our son J cancelled his planned trip to Cincinnati because of family sickness. 

AUGUST. On her way from Richmond to Albequerque, our friend Jennifer stopped by for a get-together. The retinal specialist said my left eye was doing o.k., didn’t need surgery. Katja and I celebrated our 63rd anniversary (amazing) at La Bar A Boeuf. 

SEPTEMBER. We were happy that our favorites, Gauff and Djokovic, won their U.S. Open Finals. Pianist Sara Daneshpour was wonderful at Matinee Musicale. We saw an excellent women’s photography show at the Taft Museum. Quarterback Joe Burrow, who missed the preseason with an injury, was rocky in his first few games with the Bengals. 

OCTOBER. The plasterer fixed our living room wall. J came for a visit, and we ate at Skyline Chili twice, did multiple thrift shops, and saw art shows at the Art Museum, the Miller Gallery, and Hebrew Union’s Skirball Museum. Katja had a second oral surgery (the first one was botched), and, because of a paperwork screw-up, our insurance wouldn’t cover anything and we wound up paying a huge amount out of pocket. 

NOVEMBER. Big election victories for the Democrats. After months of terrible pain, the insurance company finally approved Katja’s epidural, and she is a new woman. Joe Burrow injured his wrist and is out for the season. J, K, A, and L flew up from New Orleans for a Thanksgiving visit, and we had a great time. I discovered jazz singer Andrea Motis on YouTube. 

DECEMBER. We celebrated Katja’s birthday at La Bar a Boeuf. J sent beautiful flowers. The furnace guy found that the raccoons had done a lot of damage to our ducts. Backup quarterback Jake Browning led the Bengals to three victories in a row before a Steelers collapse. Ami and Bruce sent Zabar’s delicacies, and David and Susan sent See’s Candy for Christmas. We enjoyed the Charles White exhibition at the Art Museum and made New Year’s dinner reservations at La Bar a Boeuf to celebrate a very good year.

Love,

Dave 

LOST MENOMINEE

               

Dear George, 

According to Thomas Wolfe, “You can’t go home again” — truly a paradox since we tend to regard home as the safe place we can always return to. Wolfe reminds us that change is an ever-present feature of reality. In effect, the world we return to is never the same as it used to be and we ourselves have inevitably changed as well. Still, “going home” remains emotionally powerful because it involves reconnection with one’s past, if only through one’s memories. 

I left my home town for college when I turned 18. While I wasn’t to be a full-time resident again, I’ve visited regularly over the years. In certain ways Menominee is exactly the same as it was in the 1950’s. The magnificent natural environment is unchanged, with the town’s southern border stretching along the Menominee River and its eastern border along the Green Bay shoreline. The three auto bridges to Wisconsin are in place. The layout of streets is identical, and virtually all of the buildings are the same. And many of the important landmarks remain, e.g., the courthouse, the library, the marina, the Presbyterian Church. I made a list of 70 important places in my youth. About a third of them are still there. Ten have relocated to other parts of town or to Marinette across the river, e.g., the hospital, the newspaper, my high school. But over half of the significant places of my youth are gone. Thinking about these losses, I decided to poetically commemorate some of Menominee’s places that no longer exist. Here are some of them. 

Love, 

Dave

THE OFFICE SUPPLY STORE 

Age four, Mom took me to the store 

A pencil, an eraser, sometimes more 

Ogden Ave, a long walk 

I don’t think we’d talk 

Talk or not, this trip made my heart soar 

BOSWELL GRADE SCHOOL 

Boswell kindergarten, my very first job 

A nervous twit, I was scared of the mob 

I walked there with Sally 

My five-year old pally 

Temp zero, we peanuts would sob 

WASHINGTON GRADE SCHOOL 

First grade, begin Washington, downtown 

Thrilling times there on the playground 

Playing boys chase the girls 

All racing in whirls 

When the bell rang, Teach said to calm down 

THE LLOYD THEATER 

The Lloyd, my very first movie at night 

“Meet Me in St. Louis” — such delight 

Margaret O’Brien, so swell 

Judy Garland, a sweet belle 

I now was a big kid all right 

THE A&P GROCERY 

The A&P carried yummy things to eat 

Creamy pastries, avocados, fatty hamburger meat 

We were often low on cash 

So my mom would make hash 

But some days she’d buy me a treat 

G.I. SURPLUS 

G.I. Surplus was my favorite store 

Selling gas masks, machetes, and more 

I’d buy camping gear there 

Khaki mittens to wear 

And the gadgets we used to play war 

THE IDEAL DAIRY 

The Ideal on the west edge of town 

Open daily from dawn to sundown 

Two dips for a nickel 

Cheaper than a pickle 

Their lemon flake cones, we’d melt down 

THE MENOMINEE HOTEL 

The hotel was right on the Bay 

Known by travelers as a fine place to stay 

Our glee club sang there 

For the Lions Club’s fare 

I can still hum those tunes to this day 

ST. JOHN’S CATHOLIC CHURCH 

The O’s would take me to Sunday mass 

A ritual, for sure, of high class 

Our family weren’t Catholics 

At best Lutheran mavericks 

But I hoped for a heavenly pass 

THE FIVE AND DIME STORE 

The Five and Dime if you wanted a deal 

My Christmas gifts, they were a steal 

Red ribbons for my mother 

A cap gun for my brother 

And the Topps baseball cards were surreal 

THE SMELT RUN 

The smelt run arrived every spring 

Huge nets our fishermen would bring 

We would wade in the river 

Though the cold made us shiver 

Then we voted for the queen and the king 

THE MENOMINEE THEATER 

The Menominee was near to the Bay 

Saturdays, the kids’ matinee 

They charged just one dime 

For a rowdy fun time 

Charlie Chan was the best, I would say 

THE D.A.R. BOYS CLUB 

I’d go to the DAR after school 

Pick and I played a few games of pool 

Then basketball with Jack 

Who could dribble behind his back 

For aspiring pros it was cool 

ST. JOSEPH-LLOYD HOSPITAL 

We started life at St. Joseph-Lloyd Hospital 

And returned once or twice when still little 

Steven busted his arm 

Which we viewed with alarm 

But they sculpted his cast, made him fittle 

UNCLE KENT’S REXALL DRUGSTORE 

Uncle Kent’s store was right on the Square 

School days, my brother and I would lunch there 

Read the new comic books 

Batman battling the crooks 

The tuna fish sandwiches, just fair 

COONEY’S GAS STATION 

Harry Cooney’s was also on the Square 

We filled up the Lincoln right there 

But they forgot to check the oil 

Caused the engine to boil 

Cost my dad a major repair 

CITY BUS 

The city bus circled the Loop 

Friday nights for Rick and his group 

They’d flirt with the gals 

Fool around with their pals 

Tell the driver the latest teen scoop 

 

PRODUCERS DAIRY 

Producers Dairy on Sheridan Road 

Three blocks from our family abode 

I’d stop by from school 

Chocolate chip made me drool 

But butterscotch, I would explode 

M&M BREWERY 

The Brewery made Silver Cream beer 

A golden brew that fostered much cheer 

I knew guys who drank Silver Cream 

Mostly dudes on the football team 

But myself and my group had beer fear 

THE VOGUE 

The Vogue was my mother’s favorite store 

For dresses and hats and much more 

Not as fancy as Green Bay 

But it didn’t take all day 

Plus she always found something she wore 

THE GATEWAY CAFE 

The Gateway. our teenage hangout 

Near the hospital, right on our route 

A grilled cheese and French fries 

Chocolate malts for the guys 

Football nights, we would give out a shout 

GARBELL’S SODA SHOP 

Garbell’s, across from M.H.S. 

A retreat from academic stress 

Pinball in the rear 

We would gather round and cheer 

Earl Powell, pinball king, such finesse 

FOUND MENOMINEE 

True, my world’s no longer there 

But change is a curious affair 

New restaurants, new shops 

Many interesting stops 

Menominee still has its flair

BUREAUCRATIC NIGHTMARE DEPARTMENT

Dear George, 

All this medical stuff puts us at the mercy of huge impersonal bureaucracies, and it’s starting to drive me crazy. A few months ago Katja was diagnosed with a cracked wisdom tooth under her gum that needed to be extracted. While this sounded unpleasant, we were pleased that the operation would be performed by the head of the oral surgery department. He apparently was on vacation though, and the surgery was actually done by a resident. A month or two later Katja started having severe pain in the location of the surgery. An X-ray revealed a bunch of small bone fragments scattered around the now-healed area of her gum. The new doctor said he’d never seen anything like it, seeming to imply that the original operation had been badly botched. In any case, Katja needed to have another operation, more intrusive and difficult than the first. The hospital double-checked with our insurance company to make sure that the operation would be covered by insurance, and, after receiving an affirmative response, Katja underwent a second procedure. Six weeks later we got an e-mailed bill from the hospital for $13,000. Katja called the hospital, and they advised us to call our insurance company since the latter hadn’t paid the bill. When Katja called, the insurance person said they hadn’t paid the bill because the hospital had used the wrong code in sending the bill, classifying the operation as medical rather than dental. They told Katja to contact the hospital and ask them to change the code from medical to dental and resubmit the bill. Then they would pay it. Katja called, but the hospital said they were not able to change the code from medical to dental because that would involve breaking the law. (What law remains obscure.) The insurance company then said that nothing could be done and that we would need to pay the bill out of pocket. The situation, of course, seemed totally ridiculous. Katja called the hospital back, and, after some haggling, they agreed to reduce the bill if we would pay the full sum immediately. It was still many thousands of dollars, but there seemed to be no other choice. I brought up the idea of hiring a lawyer, but Katja gritted her teeth and gave the hospital our credit card number. The most positive thing I can say is that I’ve stopped losing sleep (though I have been having bad dreams). 

Love, 

Dave

THANKSGIVING HIJINX

 

Dear George, 

We usually get together with our sweet NOLA family at Thanksgiving, often in New Orleans but sometimes in Cincinnati. This year it was our turn to be hosts, and parents J and K and kids A and L flew up on Monday evening, arriving here at half past midnight. Such excitement. The kids have grown up more each time that we see them. The family also brought their dog, Little Paws, who had lived with us in Cincinnati for three months at the beginning of the pandemic. I like to think that Little Paws was excited to see his former stepparents, but, realistically, he’s always excited to see anyone. 

I was a little nervous about entertaining, concerned about finding fun things to do for 15-year-olds A and L. I made a list of a dozen attractions, the highlight of which was the Toulouse-Lautrec exhibition at the Dayton Art Institute. Much to my surprise we didn’t wind up doing any of the things on my list. I needn’t have worried. The kids took care of themselves, sometimes with J and K’s initiative, and found ample amusement. 

We all slept in on the first morning. Then we headed out to Skyline Chili — our family’s indispensablel dining place — and followed it up with ice cream at Graeter’s. J took the kids to see “Priscilla” at the Esquire. Then he and I took A and L to the thrift store. While the moms are less interested in thrift store outings, it’s the favorite activity of dads and kids. I suggested the Bulk Outlet store since they’d never been there, and it was a big hit. This is Saint Vincent de Paul’s end-of-the line discount store. All of the merchandise is dumped into huge 800-gallon storage bins, about 40 of them filled with used clothing and another 20 or so with books, toys, electronics, kitchen ware, and miscellany. Clothing costs $1.49 a pound, books $0.49. My impression is that the Bulk Outlet draws more customers than any of the mall stores in Cincinnati, and the treasure-hunters sort through the clothing bins frantically, filled up their grocery baskets. A and L didn’t fill a full grocery basket, but they did very well, including A’s buying a boutique knapsack that retails for over a hundred dollars. 

We worked in several movies during the four-day stay and a couple on TV as well. On Wednesday J and I took the kids to Saltburn, a British class warfare movie which had gotten 69% on Rotten Tomatoes. Probably the adults should have investigated more thoroughly. Along with its highbrow character studies, Saltburn offered several explicit intercourse scenes (both gay and straight), explicit masturbation scenes, and plenty of male frontal nudity. The children didn’t say much. J held his hands over his eyes and later said he was a terrible father. I didn’t feel like an exemplary grandparent either. (I can’t imagine my own grandfather taking me to see Saltburn.) 

Katja put together a marvelous Thanksgiving dinner which was the highlight of the visit: roast turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce, Scottish mashed potatoes, whipped sweet potatoes with maple syrup, creamed spinach. green bean casserole, apple and pumpkin pies, and red wine from Spain. After dinner we played a word game called Codenames that our family had brought along with them. We divided into two teams, each having a spymaster who knows the secret identities of 25 agents. The spymaster gives one-word clues that can point to multiple words on the table that their teammates try to guess. Everybody was competitive and excited, and it was an occasion where all the generations were fully engaged together. A and L were the most astute spymasters; myself and Katja, the most bumbling. 

L was eager to go shopping on Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, and so K, J, and Katja took them to Kenwood Towne Center. The kids picked the stores they were interested in. A constructed a large stuffed green frog at the Build-A-Bear store which they named Leonard. Then another Skyline family lunch and “Napoleon” at the Oakley Cinemark. 

We played a few more rounds of Codenames on Saturday morning, then enjoyed takeout from the Whole Bowl down the street. To get more reasonable ticket prices, the family had flown in to Louisville, and they set out for their return in the early afternoon. Sad and mopy, Katja and I sat down to watch the second half of the Michigan-Ohio State football game. Despite our pessimism, we were ecstatic with Michigan’s decisive win. It definitely helped us get through the rest of the weekend. 

Love, 

Dave

GROWING UP IN CLIFTON: A PHOTO TOUR BY J.L.

Dear George, 

Our son J flew up from New Orleans for a long weekend last month, and we had a great time. One of the afternoons he and I walked around our Clifton neighborhood, and J recounted his memories into his cell phone. Here is what he had to say. 

Love, Dave 

J.L.:  My dad and I are doing a project where we talk about childhood experiences in Clifton.  So I am going to document all these spots.  

So here we are at Skyline Chili on Ludlow.  Skyline, for all people born in Cincinnati, is a very special place.  It’s the number one comfort food for Cincinnatians.  When I look at this Skyline, I’ve been here a million times.  I used to come here after tennis matches.  We’d sometimes come here for dinner.  It’s right across the street from Adrian the Florist where I always get flowers for Mom on Mother’s Day.  It’s right across from the little fountain at Burnet Woods which really wasn’t there when I was a kid. 

Burnet Woods has a small hill.  Walking down or sliding down in the winter and then walking through that path to the open area with the picnic tables, the natural history museum, and the lake.  

We’re approaching the house that has my first memories at on Clifton Avenue.  3507 Clifton Avenue.  And, my bedroom was in the back of the house and there was a door that went to the back yard at the driveway where I was always a little bit scared that someone could enter the house from the back right into my room.  So that was a little scary.  I also remember the house had a beautiful painting on the ceiling.  Like cherubs and little babies and angels on the ceiling.  And I also remember that Mom had a room that she wouldn’t let me in.  She had a special room, her office I guess.  And I remember my neighbor, Tom W.  He was my pal.  We would run around in the back yard.  I also remember having my bike stolen there once.  I think I left it in the front yard.  It was stolen very quickly.  Maybe like  the day I got my bike.  Soon after I got my bike.  I also remember learning how to skateboard.  This was at the beginning of the skateboard era.  Those little plastic narrow skateboards.  One time I skated down the driveway and I had to make an incredibly fast turn to escape getting into traffic.   At least it felt very dangerous and fast and unsafe.  And that was my first close call with death.  So lots of fond memories of being in the yard, riding my bicycle, being on the skateboard, getting a ride on the motorcycle with you.  I see now that there’s a big gate in the front.  There was no gate back in the day.  And hanging out with Tom in his yard.  He had a great yard too.  There’s a lot of space back there.  And I remember going to grade school, walking up Clifton Avenue, maybe a quarter of a mile.  A very nice place to grow up.  I was about seven when we left Clifton Avenue.    

So right next door to 3507 is the apartment building which didn’t really mean anything to me until later in life when my grandparents lived here from Philadelphia.  And they stayed there and we would have get-togethers.  Mom would be there all the time, visiting my grandparents.  They had a neighbor here at 310 Bryant who was a Holocaust survivor and who recounted his experience in the Holocaust and that was totally fascinating to me.  He was actually, I believe, at Auschwitz and had some very harrowing stories.  

Across the street from 310 Bryant is Emanuel Church.  This was the entrance to the preschool.  My main memories of Emmanuel were having my finger smashed.  I guess it was Jessica G.  She slammed the door on my finger, and I had to go to the hospital.  I also remember getting bullied by some kid and being traumatized by that.  And, um, that’s pretty much it.  I guess that was a pretty traumatic place, getting physically and emotionally traumatized at Emmanuel Preschool.  

And Annunciation I always felt was a weird place.  I just didn’t understand the origin or the idea of Catholic school.  I always thought growing up that private schools were for people who weren’t smart enough to be at regular public school.  I don’t know where I got that idea.  But I just looked down at kids who went to private school.  Like they were different kids in some way.  I guess I invented that idea.  

I do remember the Unitarian Church over there.  And I do remember going there different times for events or services.  Oh, you know what, there was a day care there during the summer that I went to.  Like a camp.  I feel that I spent some time there, some group activities.   

So now we are approaching Clifton School.  Clifton Elementary School which is now known as the Fairview German Language School.  So it’s a new building, but I think the format is the same.  The parking lot is the same area, and I remember spending a lot of time.  There was a fence over there, and we would hang out by that fence by the parking lot.  And I remember Miss Williams, my teacher.  A very nice teacher, who was sort of firm but loving.  And I remember playing a lot of Four Square.  That was the main sport that we played.  And the main thing I remember about elementary school in this building was passing some test at the end of the year.  I felt some real pressure to do well on this test because if I didn’t score almost like a perfect score I wouldn’t get into the honors program at the next level when I went into seventh grade.  I’m pretty sure that’s the case.  I just remember high stakes.  High stakes as a third-grader.  

Then fourth, fifth, and sixth grade at the big school.  Again I mainly remember the playground, hanging out, a group of boys hanging out in the back.  We called ourselves the Wolves.  We thought we were a gang.  That was exciting.  We played a lot of dodge ball.  We played a lot of kick ball.  A lot of four square, a lot of tinder ball.  

I would do summer camp here at the Rec Center.  We would hang out in that playground area, playing sports.  And I don’t feel that I had any life-altering experiences here.  So looking at the parking lot at the Rec Center — oh, it’s filled.  We used to come and play basketball here, you and me.  That was a happy time.  I had lots of happy feelings here.  

When we moved to Ludlow, I would walk this way to get home, up Middleton.  So I guess around age 8 or 9 you started taking me to Crosley Tower to hit some tennis balls against the wall.  And we would go to Digby where you and Irv Greenberg would place tennis, and occasionally I would hit some balls.  I guess we would go to Crosley Tower to warm up there.  I guess I would come to the tennis court and watch you guys play tennis for one hour or two hours.  And you would take me out to Digby and we’d do drills.  I would sometimes get cranky.  What I really loved about Digby in my memory is that the balls would go out of the court and they would go down this big hill and you and I would go into the forest and scavenge for balls.  We would get tons and tons of balls.  And other things.  Sometimes we’d find interesting garbage or whatever.  That was a fond memory.  And I recall if you went all the way around to the bottom of the hill there was sort of a green space down there.

And I always liked this hill right here.  This hill seemed really steep.  Like climbing Mt. Everest every day.  And we’re coming up on the street where Irv Greenberg lived.  Wood Street.  And I have some nice memories of Wood Street.   There’s the Greenberg house.  It’s a small house.  This house seems too small in my memory.  And the only exciting thing that happened to me walking home to Ludlow on Middleton was during the winter once me and some friends were walking and a car drove by and my friends had this great idea of throwing snowballs.  And as the car passed we lobbed snowballs which would go onto the windshield.  So we would be behind the car and throwing as they were moving away from us.  And the idea was to get snowballs to land on their windshield and we succeeded perfectly.  And it must have stunned the driver because he stopped suddenly and backed up really fast to try to come after us.  They knew who did it.  And it scared the crap out of me at least.  The other kids were laughing but I ran away really fast.  So he didn’t or she didn’t pursue us.  But it was a little scary.  That was my brush with being a juvenile delinquent.  That’s about as bad as it got.  

Around that period we also spent a lot of time at the zoo.  I don’t have any particular stories about the zoo other than just being there.  And seeing the tigers, seeing the monkeys, seeing the lizards.  And we also spent a lot of time at the Natural History Museum.  It was in this great building, like a castle.  It was a pretty neat building, and I did like it.  Mainly I liked the building.  As I recall, there were skeletons of wooly mammoths and other ancient creatures that don’t exist any more.  

This was the house of my teacher from preschool.  It is a nice building.  I’m thankful they were my teachers because when I was being traumatized they would take me to the hospital.  When Jessica G. was smashing my finger.  I remember being pretty hysterical, and they had to hold me down and it was a large, well-cushioned woman who sort of buttressed herself against me to hold me down which felt kind of overwhelming. 

I do remember feeling like there were cool kids in the neighborhood that kind of scared me.  There was a kid named C*** H***  He was a bad kid, he was a little rough.  He never singled me out for bullying, but he seemed like kind of an 80s movie of cool kids that bully other kids.  And he used to spend a lot of time at the arcade in Corryville, and I was always too scared.  I maybe went there one or two times, but it was pretty overwhelming.  

I do remember going to Northside and going thrifting and going to other thrift stores around town.  I guess we’ve been doing that my whole life.  Whenever we went to Menominee you would do research and we’d have an outing and go to yard sales.  I don’t remember that as much in Cincinnati.  

Now we’re standing on Ludlow opposite the Esquire Theater,  right next to the grocery store.  Kitty corner to Graeters.  These are all some of my favorite places.  I don’t have particular stories to tell but these are the places I wanted to go to when I first came home to Cincinnati.  I do remember that the Esquire was a porn theater where they used to have big posters in front that were provocative and titles that were really inappropriate.  Was Ludlow like Times Square back then?  It’s kind of crazy.  I don’t think that that would fly today.  And I remember that Stier’s Pharmacy was right over there.  Mom would go there all the time, or we’d have stuff delivered from there.  And I remember Keller’s IGA.  I remember going there and shopping all the time.   And then there was the Golden Lion.  And that was a gay bar when I was growing up.  And there was a lot of mystery around that place.  The kids in elementary school were pretty titillated by the concept of a gay bar.  Back then there weren’t that many gay bars, I guess.  And now there’s gay bars everywhere, but back then it was a really strange idea.  It seemed that way to a fifteen-year-old.  

Now we’re standing in front of the old library.  It’s no longer a library.  It’s an open concept wine cafe.  We spent a lot of time.  We would go to the library all the time, I guess.  Super-easy to get to.  We would get DVD’s and VHS movies.  When I was really small I would get childrens’ books there.  I went to story-time there.  There was one particular story-teller who I saw numerous times.  I think you would make an effort to get me to go there.  

I remember there was a place called Acropolis where the Tap Room is now.  It was a Greek restaurant, I would have Hero sandwiches there in high school almost every day.  Especially in the summer time.  I’d take my money and go got a Hero sandwich because I loved that so much.  

Here we are, approaching our house.  It’s funny how you only remember the kind of dramatic or traumatic things.  When we first moved here I was throwing snowballs at the stop sign, and a man stopped and flashed me.  We called the cops.  That’s one early memory I have of this house.  And then I remember playing with matches and sticking it in a hole in the floor, and my parents smelled smoke and they asked me if I’d been playing with matches and I said, “No, no, absolutely not.”  And they called the fire department, and three large fire trucks came to our house and an ambulance and a cop or two, and I was interviewed by the fire department.  And I remember spending a lot of the early years hanging out in the neighbor’s yard, going on the top of the garage, and jumping off the top of the garage into the yard.  And I remember when I started playing tennis I would hit tennis balls agains the wall.  I don’t recall getting any complaints about it.  Maybe I timed it so I was doing it when people weren’t home.  And I remember our rabbit coop in the back.  And I remember a dog got loose and scared one of our rabbits so badly that he had a heart attack and died.  I remember you building a snow bunny in the front yard every year.  A really big snow bunny in the front yard.  That was kind of neat.  And I also remember you had a circular fence, and we’d have the bunny in the front yard, in the front yard, and we’d hang out in front.  And the bunny, Thumper,  would hang out there.  Yeah, I love this house.  

And that’s my experience in Clifton.  My wrap-up statement is that Clifton was a really great place to grow up.  I didn’t know what it was like until I was past my childhood, but when I look back I have a lot of fond feelings.  There was a real neighborhood with a lot of businesses and a lot of fun things to do.  I don’t think I had much of a sense of architecture or an aesthetic sense, but it’s such a pretty area.  So green and the architecture’s so neat.  Just as an adult I appreciate that.  (THE END OF THE TOUR) 

IS BIDEN TOO OLD?

 Dear George, 

If you ask the average voter if Joe Biden is too old to serve a second term as president, you’ll get a resounding “yes”. A recent poll from The Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research found that 77% believed Biden to be too old to be effective for four more years. 89% of Republicans said that, as did 74% of Independents and 69% of Democrats. And the view held across age groups, though older Democrats were more supportive of his 2024 bid. In a word association exercise, 28% of Democrats mentioned Biden’s age and preferred words like “slow” or “confused” over “president,” “leader,” “strong,” or “capable.” 

We all carry around stereotypes about age. My own views were shaken up when I attended my 50th high school class reunion some years ago. All of my classmates were about the same age (68). Some appeared to be extremely frail, including a grade school friend who was hooked up to an oxygen tank. At the opposite extreme, everyone was astonished by one of our classmates who looked exactly as he had in his senior yearbook photo. Chronological age didn’t seem to mean much, given the vast differences in how individuals had responded to the aging process. 

There are many examples of prominent people who have remained active and productive in their eighties and beyond. At age 92 multi-billionaire Warren Buffett continues to run Berkshire Hathaway. British broadcaster David Attenborough is still producing wildlife documentaries at age 96. Nancy Pelosi, regarded as the most successful house speaker of all times, was in her eighties during her second term. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg served on the Supreme Court until she was 87. Seven U.S. senators are in their eighties, including Bernie Sanders and Mitch McConnell. Octagenarian musicians who are still touring and recording include: Willie Nelson, 87; Dionne Warwick, 82; Paul McCartney, 80; Ringo Starr, 82; Yoko Ono, 87; Bob Dylan, 81; and Barbra Streisand, 80. 

There are also a number of heads of state who are currently serving and who are older than Biden. These include the President of Italy (age 82), the President of Cameroon (90), the President of the Palestinian Authority (87), the King of Norway (86), the King of Saudi Arabia (87), Pope Francis (86), the Queen of Denmark (83), the President of Ireland (82), and one of the oldest leaders of all time, Queen Elizabeth II who died in 2022 at age 96. 

Gerontologists do not jump to judgment as rapidly as the American public. A team of gerontologists at Washington University suggest that important qualities for effectiveness as President include honesty, integrity, experience in the processes of democracy, knowledge of history and science, and respect from other world leaders. None of these factors is particularly correlated with chronological age. To the extent that age is relevant, it’s because it gives more opportunities for experience and well-developed relationships. The authors note: “Our country doesn’t need a president who is physically strong or fast. They’re not going to have to win a foot race or lug heavy things around.” A team of longevity researchers at the University of Illinois examined the available medical records of Biden and Trump and concluded that both “are likely to be ‘super-agers’,” a subgroup of people that maintain their mental and physical functioning and tend to live longer than average for their age. 

Biden has had a very successful first term. He signed into law the Infrastructure Investment and Jobs Act, providing $1 trillion for infrastructure projects. He rejoined the Paris Agreement on climate change and made significant investments in clean energy and energy efficiency. Biden signed executive orders to reopen enrollment on the Affordable Care Act exchanges and to lower prescription drug costs. He has appointed more women and people of color to the federal courts than any president in history, including Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson. Perhaps most notably Biden has worked to repair alliances with allies and partners around the world. 

On most dimensions the economy has been doing very well during Biden’s administration. Over 13 million jobs have been added, and the unemployment rate of 3.6% is the lowest since 1969. Gross Domestic Product growth has exceeded 6% in three of the last four quarters, and the stock market is at record highs. The main downside is that inflation (8.2%) is at its highest rate since 1981. Biden has taken steps to address inflation, such as releasing oil from the Strategic Petroleum Reserve and working to pass legislation for lower prescription drug costs. Predicting the future, of course, is an iffy business. 

Dr. Karl Pillemer, a prominent gerontologist at Cornell University, sums it up this way: "There is no one answer to the question of whether or not President Biden is too old to be president. It depends on a number of factors, including his health, his cognitive abilities, and his energy level. It is important to note that there is a great deal of variation in aging, and some people remain sharp and healthy well into their eighties and nineties.” 

Biden’s own response to the question is probably the best answer: “Watch me.” 

Love, 

Dave 

SOURCES: (1) apnews.com, “Biden is widely seen as too old for office.” Aug. 28, 2023; (2) brookings.edu, “Is Biden too old to be president? Is Trump?” May 19, 2023; (3) publichealth.wustl.edu, “Too old to be president? A view from some gerontologists,. Aug. 8, 2023; (4) whitehouse.gov, “The Biden-Harris Record,” accessed Nov. 6, 2023.

OHIO ISSUE TWO: LEGALIZING RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA

Dear George, 

My home town of Menominee, Michigan, is located smack on the border between Wisconsin and the Upper Peninsula. When I was a kid, Wisconsin, the dairy state, legally banned the sale of margarine (regarded as an evil competitor to butter). An enterprising businessman in Menominee opened a margarine shop at the foot of the Interstate Bridge, and the business boomed, thanks to a deluge of Wisconsinites.

Now history is repeating itself. Recreational marijuana is legal in Michigan but is illegal in Wisconsin. Recently the Menominee City Council approved the establishment of marijuana stores in the town, and, within a matter of weeks, five brand new marijuana stores opened for business: The Fire Station, RIZE, Lume, Higher Love, and Nirvana. Because their buildings are still under construction, the five dispensaries currently operate only with curbside or drive-through services. According to the local newspaper, Lume has 40 parking spaces and room for 25 more cars to wait in line. The Lume manager reports, “We stay pretty busy all day…People are really excited…” 

In about two weeks Ohioans will vote on a proposed constitutional amendment that would legalize and regulate the adult use of marijuana in Ohio. The amendment allows adults 21 and over to purchase and use up to 2.5 ounces of cannabis flower and 15 grams of cannabis concentrate. It would also allow adults to grow up to six marijuana plants at home. Dispensary sales would be taxed 10% in addition to the usual sales taxes. The Division of Cannabis Control would be established in Ohio to regulate commerce, and cannabis testing laboratories would be regulated. 

The Coalition to Regulate Marijuana Like Alcohol, a group of Ohio medical marijuana businesses, is leading the campaign in favor of the ballet initiative and submitted 127,772 valid signatures in August, 2023, in order to get Issue 2 on the ballot. Parties in favor of legalizing recreational marijuana in Ohio include a variety of pro-marijuana organizations, e.g., Ohio Consumers for Safe Cannabis, Ohio Cannabis Chamber of Commerce, the Firelands Company, Cresco Labs Ohio. 

Issue 2 has generated a lot of debate. The main arguments favoring legalization are the following: *Decriminalization of marijuana would end unfair and costly arrests and prosecutions for minor offenses. Ohio had over 60,000 marijuana arrests in 2022. These arrests can cause lasting damage to people’s lives, making it difficult to get jobs or housing, and they disproportionately affect persons of color.  Legalizing marijuana would free up police officers to address more serious crime. 

*Marijuana is purported to have lower risks than alcohol, and, unlike alcohol, it has some health and medical benefits. There are no cases of anyone ever dying from an overdose of marijuana. 

* Ohioans would be able to buy products that are regulated and safe from being laced with deadly or addictive substances such as fentanyl. 

* Legalizing marijuana would create a new source of tax revenue for Ohio. Colorado has generated over $2 billion in tax dollars since marijuana was legalized in 2012. Estimates for Ohio point to tax revenues of $300 to $400 million per year. 

* Legalization would reduce the size of the black market for marijuana, making it more difficult for criminals to profit from marijuana sales. 

Issue 2 is opposed by Protect Ohio Workers & Families, a broad coalition which includes: the Ohio Business Roundtable, Ohio Manufacturers Association, Ohio State Sheriffs’ Association, Association of Chiefs of Police, Fraternal Order of Police, Academy of Health Commissioners, American Academy of Pediatrics, and the Ohio Children’s Hospital Association. In addition, top government officials in Ohio have urged a No vote: Governor, Attorney General, President of the Ohio Senate, Speaker of the Ohio House. 

Arguments against passing Issue 2 include the following: 

*Marijuana is addictive and could lead to more serious drug use. Marjiuana today is much more potent than it was in the past. 

*Marijuana has negative effects on thinking and coordination, with potentially dangerous consequences for operating motor vehicles and job safety. While research results are mixed, a Colorado study found that the rate of marijuana-positive drivers involved in fatal crashes increased 48% after legalization. 

*Legalization will not eliminate the black market for marijuana. 

* Criminals will still be able to sell marijuana illegally, often at lower prices than the legal market. 

*Home-grown marijuana will expose more youth to a psychoactive drug. 

* “Legalizing recreational marijuana is today’s version of Big Tobacco — big corporations getting rich at the expense of our kids and society.” (Protect Ohio Workers & Families). 

*Legalization will require another state bureaucracy with increased governmental costs. 

To date, 23 states and the District of Columbia (about 49% of Americans) have legalized recreational marijuana use. It appears likely that Issue 2 will pass in Ohio by a large margin. Numerous surveys have found a majority of Ohioans favoring passage. A recent Suffolk University/USA Today poll showed that 59% of Ohio voters support adults buying and possessing marijuana, while only 36% were opposed. 77% of Democrats, 63% of independents and 40% of Republicans support the issue.  Positions vary markedly by age. A recent Baldwin Wallace University survey found that 70% of voters between the ages of 18 and 34 supported legalizing marijuana. However, only 34% of voters 65 or older did so. 

At this point I count myself in the “Undecided” voter category. I find the arguments persuasive on both sides of a complex issue. I don’t believe in alcohol abstinence, though it’s regarded as a more destructive drug, so it seems sort of hypocritical to vote to ban marijuana. On the other hand, I’m impressed that most or all law-enforcement and medical groups argue against legalization. I plan to ponder this some more and make up my mind by November 7th. 

Love, 

Dave 

SOURCES: ballotpedia.org. Ohio Issue 2, Marijuana Legalization Initiative 2023); ideastream.org, “What is Ohio Issue 2 on marijuana legalization?” Oct. 19, 2023; League of Women Voters of Cincinnati Area. Hamilton County Voter Guide. Issue 2; pewresearch.org. “7 facts about Americans and marijuana.” Apr. 13, 2023; uppermichiganssource.com. “City of Menominee now has 5 cannabis dispensaries open for business.” Oct. 9, 2023; wikipedia.org. “2023 Ohio Issue 2.”

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

 

Dear George, 

 The top news story of the past week, of course, was Kevin McCarthy’s ouster as Speaker of the House. The Speakership is one of the most important positions in the U.S. government, responsible for conducting House proceedings, setting its agenda, deciding which bills come up for debate, appointing members to committees, and representing the House in dealings with the President and the Senate. (2) The vote to oust McCarthy was not accompanied by any plan regarding his successor, and no consensus is apparent among Republican House members. Currently there are two declared candidates for the job: Steve Scalise (R-LA) and Jim Jordan (R-OH). In addition, the New York Times identifies other potential candidates including Tom Emmer (R-MN), Elise Stefanik (R-NY), Kevin Hern (R-OK), Tom Cole (R-OK), and Patrick McHenry (R-NC). (7) Here is a bit of info about each. 

 As House Majority Leader, Steve Scalise is seen by many as the frontrunner for the Speaker position. A staunch conservative, Scalise receives a rating of 95% by the American Conservative Union. He has repeatedly voted to appeal the Affordable Care Act, has supported tax cuts for the wealthy and corporations, opposed same-sex marriage, opposed gun control, and supported voter suppression. Scalise has been criticized for his past associations with white supremacy and anti-Semitic groups. A Louisiana political reporter quoted him as describing himself as “like David Duke (the former KKK leader) without the baggage.” While a leading candidate, Scalise’s chances are diminished by opposition from far-right House Republicans who think that he is not sufficiently conservative. He is also receiving intensive treatment for blood cancer. (7) 

 Ohio representative Jim Jordan, the Ranking Member of the House Judiciary Committee, is the other declared candidate for the Speaker position, and Donald Trump has endorsed him for the job (which may or may not have any impact). Receiving a rating of 100% from the American Conservative Union, Jordan is one of the most conservative House members. He was the founding chairman of the far-right Freedom Caucus in the House. Known as a conservative bomb thrower (4), Jordan is one of Trump’s top allies and a leader in the impeachment inquiry into President Biden. While Jordan has strong support from the extreme wing of the Republican party, the New York Times concluded that, because of his divisiveness, he “is not likely to muster a majority of the House Republican conference.” (9) 

 As House Majority Whip, Tom Emmer’s profile is similar to Scalise’s. Emmer (82%, ACU) has actively supported tax cuts for the wealthy, opposed abortion rights even when the mother’s life is in danger, strongly supported gun rights, opposed environmental regulation. Critics argue that his record in Congress reflects inaction and gridlock. Because he voted to certify Biden’s election and advised Republican candidates to distance themselves from Trump, Emmer is actively opposed by Trump allies and is deemed unlikely to win sufficient support for the Speaker position. (3, 11) 

 Elise Stefanik (98%, ACU) is the third-ranking Republican in the House, serving as Majority Whip. Despite being regarded as a moderate Republican before Trump’s election, she became one of Trump’s most enthusiastic allies in the House, having defended him on numerous occasions, including during his impeachment trials. Stefanik objected to certification of Biden’s victory, has voted against legislation that would protect LGBTQ people from discrimination, and has spoken at events hosted by white supremacist organizations. Stefanik is seen as a rising star in the Republican Party, but it’s unclear if she has the experience or the support to become Speaker. (10) 

 Kevin Hern (98%, ACU) is chair of the Republican Study Committee, the largest caucus of conservative Republicans in the House, and he is popular among the Republican base. Like most of the prospective candidates he has been a vocal supporter of Trump, voted to overturn the 2020 election, supported tax cuts for the wealthy, opposed environmental regulations, supported gun rights, opposed expanded access to voting, and called for President Biden’s impeachment. Hart may be a viable candidate, but he faces challenges because of his lack of experience and his polarizing views. (7) 

 Tom Cole (92%, ACU) is Chair of the House Rules Committee. Like his colleagues mentioned above, Cole has opposed the Affordable Care Act, supported tax cuts for the wealthy and corporations, opposed gun control measures, opposed abortion rights, denied climate change, and supported voter suppression legislation. Cole is a respected member of the Republican Party, but he is not as well-known as Scalise or Emmer. 

 (1) Patrick McHenry (89%, ACU), selected by McCarthy to be the interim Speaker of the House, is also Chairman of the House Financial Services Committee. While McHenry is well-liked, he is distrusted by hard-liners because of his role in the recent deal with Democrats to avoid a government shutdown. McHenry hasn’t yet expressed interest in the permanent Speaker job. (6) 

 My personal opinion is that all of these candidates are nightmares and likely to have have negative consequences upon Congress and American society. Most are to the right of Kevin McCarthy, who is himself a staunch conservative. However, I do recognize that they’re typical of the current Republican Party and its leadership, as well as enjoying the approval of roughly half the country. According to Newsweek, recent bookmaker odds have Scalise the favorite (odds of 8/11, meaning if you bet $11 you would win $8), followed by Hern (9/2) Jordan (8/1), Stefanik (10/1), Emmer (14/1), and McHenry (14/1). (5) It’s surprising to me that there are no moderate Republicans who are mentioned as viable candidates for Speaker. However, moderate Republicanism is a vanishing breed in the House, and, because the party conference is controlled by the far right, it’s unlikely that any moderate could be voted into the position. Election as Speaker requires 218 votes in the 435-seat House. How any of these candidates are going to reach this magic number is an unknown. Election as Speaker is going to require voting support from hard-liners, moderate Republicans, and even some Democrats, and, with the far right in control of the House, it isn’t clear that any of the potential candidates can pull that off. With decisions about government funding and Ukraine support looming for House action in the next month or so, the outlook is scary. 

Love, 

Dave 

 SOURCES: (1) cole.house.gov; (2) housegov; (3) huffpost.com, Sept. 4, 2022; (4) nbcnews.com, Oct. 4, 2023; (5) newsweek.com, Oct. 7, 2023; (6) npr.com, Oct. 4, 2023; (7) nytimes.com, Oct. 4, 2023; (8) nytimes.com, Oct. 4, 2023; (9) nytimes.com, Oct. 2, 2023; (10) time.com, May 8, 2021; (11) time.com, Oct. 4, 2023.

POEM OF THE DAY: "MY MOTHER"

 

Dear George, 

I don’t know how I got started on it, but recently I’ve been working on a poem titled “My Mother”. It’s been a very engrossing task, and it’s brought back many happy memories. Here’s my current version. 

Love, 

Dave 

                         MY MOTHER 

My mother grew up in the flapper age 

The Roaring Twenties, the Charleston the rage 

Her life path was shaped by that stage 

My mother met my father in school 

She found him charming and cool 

And he felt that she was a jewel 

My mother could have been a Hollywood star 

Her beauty cream was kept in a porcelain jar 

The fairest of the P.T.A. mothers by far 

My mother birthed a girl and three boys 

The boys made commotion and noise 

But she taught the girl style and poise 

My mother was enamored of flowers 

Cultivating her garden for hours 

Her green thumb had wondersome powers 

My mother liked riding a horse 

Which gave her a sense of brute force 

When the stable shut down, much remorse 

My mother was an actress on stage 

Played a tiger who escaped from its cage 

“That’s my mom!” I yelled, three years of age 

My mother was an avid jazz fan 

For her, Louis Armstrong was the man 

Play some Louis, she’d dance the can-can 

My mother took me to my first movie 

“Meet Me in St. Louis,” so groovy 

My most exciting outing as a juvie 

My mother taught us all the birds’ names 

Bird-watching was one of our games 

Wild turkeys and pheasants, our aims 

My mother was a razzmatazz cook 

She mastered Irma’s joyous cookbook 

Broiled whitefish, fresh off the hook 

My mother did La Parlor de Beauty 

The homies, great gossip, never snooty 

Enter frazzled, walk out as a cutie 

My mother enjoyed a big party 

Hanging out with Jackie and Marty 

Costumes, poetry, oil paintings, so arty 

My mother would boat on Green Bay 

Mike and Jean, the whole gang for the day 

Fish Creek and Egg Harbor on the way 

My mother planned a Christmas Eve soiree 

All our cousins came over to play 

Uncle Karl’s fancy gifts made the day 

My mother saved our Irish Setter Mike 

Who fell through the ice on a hike 

She risked her own life for that tyke 

My mother and dad loved their Farm 

She decorated the cabin with charm 

A family escape, safe from harm 

My mother adored Lovey, her cat 

hite Angora and just a smidge fat 

Lovey’d jump on her lap for a chat 

My mother expired in Eighty-Six 

Of afflictions the docs couldn’t fix 

My plan: Meet for lunch near the Styx

IF JEOPARDY CALLS, I'M READY

Dear George, 

My spouse is a Jeopardy addict, tuning in faithfully at 7:30 every weekday evening, so I watch along with her. The part I like best is when host Ken Jennings elicits personal stories from each of the contestants, allowing the audience to know them a bit better. Contestants’ stories are always quirky and amusing. I started thinking about what story I might tell if I were to be on Jeopardy. For a long time I drew a complete blank. This was unsettling since it suggested that my life has been a total bore. Finally I came up with some possibilities. I don’t think I’d win if I were on a Jeopardy show, but I’ve prepared four stories just in case I were to have a winning streak. Here is what I have ready in case Jeopardy happens to call. 

(1) A Driving Lesson 

Ken Jennings: I understand that you weren’t perfect as a new driver. 

Me: So true. I had just turned sixteen. In my very first outing by myself, I drove down Stephenson Avenue and turned right onto Sheridan Road. A couple of blocks later I heard a siren and saw flashing lights behind me. It scared me to death. I was sure I hadn’t been speeding. I pulled over, and the police officer asked if I knew why he’d stopped me. I said I didn’t. He explained that when I turned onto Sheridan I had pulled out right in front of his police car and caused him to run off the road. His car ended up in the M&M Brewery fountain. He explained to me why it is important to look both ways when turning. His message has stuck with me ever since. 

(2) A New Subway Record 

Ken Jennings: So you had an interesting subway experience in New York City. 

Me: Yes, I was twenty years old. While working on a co-op job in New York City, I rented a room in Washington Heights. My friend John asked my landlady about renting her other room, and they got into an argument about whether his girlfriend could visit. The landlady wound up kicking both of us out. It was about ten p.m. We walked around until gunfire in the neighborhood made us uneasy. Thinking it safer, we got on the northbound A-train about midnight but the subway clientele got scary as we neared the South Bronx. Finally we returned to Midtown and got on the shuttle train between Times Square and Grand Central Station, a 5-block trip. We rode the shuttle back and forth till the morning rush hour, perhaps a hundred trips. It might have been a world record. 

(3) Follow the Chemistry Instructions 

Ken: I understand you weren’t the best chemistry student. 

Me: True. When I was taking Inorganic Chemistry in college, the teacher gave us a task of mixing hydrochloric acid with another chemical. He went through the instructions at least five times since, if one mixed the chemicals in the wrong order, they would explode. I probably was daydreaming because, as I began the task, I mixed them in the wrong order. The chemicals exploded, spraying hydrochloric acid into my face and eyes. The teacher rinsed my eyes out, and I was rushed to the college infirmary. Within a few hours large red blisters appeared on both my eyeballs. In danger of losing my vision, I stayed in the infirmary for a week, and by the end, thanks to Mother Nature, my eyes had returned to normal — a huge relief. 

(4) A Brush with Celebrity 

Ken Jennings: What is this about a brush with celebrity in New York City? 

Me: When our J was a teenager, our family would go to Manhattan every Christmas to celebrate with my sister- and brother-in-law. On one trip in the mid-1980’s J and I took a hike in Central Park. We were walking along a path next to Fifth Avenue near the Metropolitan Art Museum, telling stories, joking, and laughing, when I noticed a tall woman in a fur coat watching us and smiling. When we got closer, I realized that it was Jackie Kennedy Onassis. She was apparently taking a walk outside her Fifth Avenue apartment which was right across the street. We exchanged smiles but didn’t say anything. I’m still pleased that Jackie enjoyed her glimpse of father and son having a good time. 

So those are some of my stories so far. All of them are from my younger years. I’ve been trying to think of a good story from the last ten years, but so far I haven’t had any luck. I guess life used to be more adventurous. 

Love, 

Dave

SIXTY-THREE, A LUCKY NUMBER

 
Dear George, 

Today Katja and I celebrate our 63rd wedding anniversary. We were married at the Quaker chapel on the Antioch College campus in Yellow Springs on August 28th, 1960. We had fifty dollars to pay for the wedding, the expenses including one bottle of champagne to share among the twenty guests. Sixty-three, of course, is a milestone. I asked Bard how many married couples make it to their 63rd wedding anniversary, and Bard replied: “The percentage of couples that make it to their 63rd wedding anniversary is less than 4%.” Hmm. 

I think there’s no magic reason why we’re still married after 63 years. Many marriages end before this point, of course, because one partner or both partners die. However, Bard also reports that about half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce before couples reach their 20th anniversary. This fate has befallen many of our acquaintances over the years, and it could have been us. I think our most perilous time was the early 1970’s. It was the height of the Women’s Liberation Movement, and Katja was leading a consciousness-raising group at our house. I don’t know just what they discussed but every time I accidentally ran into a group member she glared at me as if I were Satan personified. By the end of two years every member of the group except Katja had divorced her husband. Perhaps Katja was spared because she had more options as the group leader. In any case, we rode it out. I give some of the credit to my father who took us aside on our wedding eve and told us, in no uncertain terms, that members of the L*****en family never divorce. 

When I think about major events in our marriage over the years, raising our son J stands out as the most involving and rewarding. Helping care for our parents during their final years was also meaningful. We had great enjoyment from family visits to New York and California and from annual reunions at my parents’ Farm. Recently New Orleans has been our most pleasurable destination. We’ve always been attached to dogs, and our sheepdogs Mike and Duffy gave us fifteen years of joy. Music and art have been a major part of our lives as a couple. Now we’re having fun doing OLLI together. 

Marriage at our current stage has a different feel than it had twenty or forty or sixty years ago. The first word that comes to my mind is “mellow”. For the most part, our marriage nowadays is conflict-free, certainly moreso than years ago. We’re settled in and comfortable. We each still have our own potentially annoying quirks, but we’ve long ago come to accept and accommodate them. As we’ve gotten older we’ve lost lots of good friends — people dying or moving away, our own departures from the workplace — and consequently we spend more time together and are more dependent upon one another than we used to be. We don’t have work roles or parent roles demanding our attention and energy. Also we each have our own old age disabilities. My hearing is lousy, and Katja will often get on the phone to act as my interpreter. She is suffering from back and leg pains, and I try to help attend to those in various ways. There’s more need and occasion to provide support for one another than there was when we were younger, and we’re more concerned about one another and more bound together as a consequence. 

Most of my life I’ve had an irrational tendency to evaluate whatever stage I’m in as the best of all times, and I will go ahead and do this with respect to marriage today. I think that we’re there for one another more than we ever were in the past and are living up to our vow sixty-three years ago to stick together “till death do us part.” 

Love, 

Dave