Mysteries of the Circle of Life Revealed

Dear George,

Today is my eightieth birthday.  That’s a shock, though there’s not much I can do about it.  Everybody in the world who was born on July 21, 1937, turns eighty today, whether they like it or not.  I find it much easier  to visualize my grandfather at eighty since that’s the last age I remember him at.  Though my father lived to his mid-eighties, I imagine him in his forties (which is who he was when I lived at home as a teenager).  For myself, I’m more likely to think of myself as eighteen than as eighty.  Eighty just seems completely alien.  I know that’s delusional, but sometimes it’s for the best. 

I also get confused about the meaning of my birthday.  At the moment, for example, I tend to think that I’ve just started my eightieth year and consequently am at the very beginning of my eighties.  That’s totally wrong.  The truth of the matter is that I’ve just finished my eightieth year (and consequently I’ve been in my eighties for a full 365 days).  This becomes clear when one thinks of their first birthday.  We don’t start our first year on our first birthday.  Rather, we’ve finished our first year and are beginning the second.  Despite my confusion, this all works out o.k.  I’ve been traumatized recently about turning eighty.  But then I realized I’ve actually completed my entire eightieth year.  Being in my eighties, it turns out, has worked out just fine for a pretty long time. 

Two days ago I was drafting this blog post at the university.  It was ninety degrees out, but I still enjoyed the one-mile walk home at the end of the afternoon.  Our Honda wasn’t in the driveway when I arrived, so I figured that Katja had gone to the grocery store.  I was startled to find her sitting in our sun room.  She was equally startled when I asked where our car was.  We looked out on the street, but it was nowhere to be seen.  Katja returned to the house to call the police, but I said I wanted to check down the block first.  The car, of course, wasn’t down the block.  On my way back it suddenly dawned on me where it was.  I’d driven it to the university, parked it in the garage, left it there, and walked home.  Whew, that was a relief!  The next to last sentence I’d written on my office computer before I’d left was: “I’m glad that I’m still of sound mind at age eighty.”

Here are some other interesting items about being eighty.  

A FEW OF THE TENS OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WHO TURNED EIGHTY THIS MONTH:

7-2-37     Richard Petty, NASCAR champion

7-6-37     Ned Beatty, Actor

7-6-37     Gene Chandler, Singer/songwriter/producer

7-6-37     Vladimir Ashkenazy, Russian pianist/conductor

7-12-37   Bill Cosby, Comedian/TV actor/sexual harasser

7-31-37   U.S. Sen. Alfonse D’Amato (Rep., NY, 1981-99)  

(12) [Note: Numbers In parentheses refer to sources at end]

SOME OF THE THINGS THAT HAPPENED EIGHTY YEARS AGO (July 1937) :

July 1: The Gestapo arrested and imprisoned pastor Martin Niemöller for opposing the Nazis’ state control of German Protestant churches.  

July 2: Amelia Earhart and navigator Fred Noonan disappeared after taking off from New Guineau during Earhart’s attempt to be the first woman to fly around the world. 

July 7: Japanese forces invaded China in the Battle of Lugou Bridge, often seen as the beginning of World War II in Asia. 

July 11:  Composer George Gershwin died of a brain tumor in L.A. at age 38. 

July 31: The Politburo of the Soviet Union approved an order to execute 75,950 people and send an additional 193,000 to the Gulag.  (12)

OTHER EVENTS WE EIGHTY-YEAR OLDS WENT THROUGH:

The Great Depression (its later years)

World War II

The Atomic Bomb

The Korean War

Presidents Truman, Eisenhower, and Kennedy

McCarthyism

Roy Rogers and Gene Autry

LIFE AND DEATH TRIVIA FOR EIGHTY-YEAR OLDS:

• 2,203,337 people were born in the U.S. in 1937.  53.7% are alive today.  (1) 
• The average life expectancy for an 80-year-old person today is 8.9 years.  For females, it’s 9.6 years; for males, 8.1 years.  (7)
• The rate of cognitive impairment for people ages 75 to 79 is about 5%.  Prevalence rises after age 80, approaching 20% for people 85 and over.  (8)
• 67% of American adults report good, very good, or excellent health at ages 75-85, as do 57% at ages 85 and over.  (8)

MORE FUN FACTS FOR EIGHTY-YEAR OLDS:

• In 2013 80-year old Japanese alpinist-skier Yuichiro Miura became the oldest person to climb to the top of Mount Everest.  (5)
• The Buddha died at age 80.  Just before his death he delivered his final message, then lay down between two trees.  (4)
• A UK survey of 300,000 adults found that life satisfaction and happiness were highest in the 65-79 age group though declining in the 80s.  Persons in their 90s were comparable to those in their 20s and 30s.  (3) 
• 80 is the upper age limit for cardinals to vote in papal elections.  (12)
• Sweden has a greater percent of residents age eighty and over than any other country (5%).  (10)

A FEW AGE EIGHTY JOKES:

• So far eighty is the oldest that I’ve ever been. 
• You know you’ve turned eighty when you look in the mirror and say, “Dad?” 
• At eighty you’ll never be youthful again, but you can always be immature. 
• They told me in my youth that I would lose my mind by age eighty.  What they forgot to tell me is that I wouldn’t miss it that much.  
• Eighty is a wonderful age.  Especially if you’re ninety.  (6, 14)

MY FAVORITE QUOTE ABOUT AGE EIGHTY:

“Inherent in architecture, it involves everything in life so that there is absolutely no end to it.  By the time you’re seventy or eighty, you’re still beginning.  So, that’s the kind of life I’ve preferred to being the expert at forty and dead, you know.”  (John Lautner, architect)  (2)

IS THIS QUOTE REALLY TRUE? 

“I have lived eighty years of life and know nothing for it, but to be resigned and tell myself that flies are born to be eaten by spiders and man to be devoured by sorrow.”  (Voltaire)  (2)

DIVERSITY IN OLDER AGE PEOPLE: 

I ran across a statement about diversity in older age from the World Health Organization that I found helpful.  Paraphrased slightly, it said that, with respect to health, there is no such thing as a “typical” older person.  Biological age has only a loose association with chronological age.  Some 80 year-olds are very similar mentally and physically to 20 year-olds.  Other seniors have experienced declines at much younger ages.  There is a very wide range of experiences and needs among older people that public health responses must address.  (11) 

GOOD THINGS TO ME ABOUT BEING EIGHTY

• I am glad to not be working.  No boss, no strained relations with colleagues, no externally imposed tasks, no deadlines, no performance evaluations, no worries about failure.  (When I contemplated retirement in my late sixties, I was sure that working was preferable.  Now at eighty I realize that I was fooling myself.)
• I find there is a lot of personal freedom at age eighty.  I can pretty much select stuff each day that I enjoy doing and rarely have to deal with noxious alternatives.  
• All of these big birthdays involve life transitions which present new challenges and opportunities.  My main goal for my eighties is to age well.  I want to stay in physically fit, and I would like to keep my mind alert and active.  So far, so good.    

Love,

Dave

SOURCES:

(1) www.247wallst.com, “How Many People Are Alive From the Year You Were Born” 

(2) www.brainyquote.com, keyword “age eighty”)

(3) www.cdc.gov, “Health, United States, 2016”

 (4) www.encyclopedia.com, “Buddha”

(5) www.japantimes.co.jp, “Miura oldest to climb Everest but some facts overlooked” 

(6) www.just-one-liners.com, “Age”

(7) www.life-span.healthgrove.com, “80 Year Old Life Expectancy”

(8) www.nia.nih.gov, “Growing Older in America”

(9) www.quora.com, “What Percentage of People Live to the Age of 80?”

(10) www.un.org, “Demographic Profile of the Older Population”

(11) www.who.int, “Ageing and health” [World Health Organization]

(12) www.wikipedia.org, “1937” 

(13) www.wikipedia, “80 (number)”

(14)  www.yuksrus.com, “Old Age Jokes”

Flawless Driving

Dear George,

I noticed recently that my driver’s license was set to expire on my upcoming eightieth birthday.  I was nervous about renewing it because I fantasized that they might put me through a more stringent test than usual.  That wasn’t the case though.  The only hitch was that I swear the clerk showed me Chinese hieroglyphics in my vision exam.  When I drew a blank, she told me to try  again.  I wiped my eyes, and I passed the second time around.  With my new license, I’m all set for another four years, at the end of which I plan to be driving under the auspices of a new president. I’ll just try to stick it out till then.

I’ve been uneasy about driving ever since friends told us that they are banned from renting a car in Great Britain because they are over seventy.  That came as a shock.  I think of the British as much more sensible than Americans, and, if they regard seventy plus as too hazardous to rent a car, they must know something.  To investigate the matter, I did a Google search and ran across a huge AAA-sponsored research study of driver age as it’s related to all police-reported traffic accidents in the U.S. in 1995-96, 2001-2, and 2008-9.*  I’ve summarized some of the data for 2008-9 in the table below.  The table compares age groups of drivers for total number of crashes in 2008-9 (NCrash), the rate of crashes per 10,000 drivers, and death rates per 10,000 drivers in each age group.     

TABLE: Traffic accidents by age group (2008-9)

                 Rate.  Death

               Per 10K  Rate

Age     NCrash drivers Per 10K

16-19   1.8M   1737    2.62

20-29   2.4M   1309    2.40

30-39   3.3M    452    0.70

40-49   1.7M    399    0.64

50-59   1.2M    314    0.60

60-69   0.6M    252    0.62

70-79   0.3M    487    2.79

80+     0.1M    519    3.29

  

The first column (NCrash) shows that younger drivers are involved in a far greater number of crashes than are older drivers.  People in their thirties account for the most total crashes (about 3.3 million), while people in their eighties have the lowest total (about 100,000).  Overall, drivers in their eighties accounted for about 1% of all U.S. traffic accidents in 2008-9.  This, of course, is somewhat misleading since drivers in their 80s are fewer in number and drive fewer miles.  The next column (Rate per 10K) shows the rate of accidents by age group per 10,000 drivers.  Teenage drivers and drivers in their twenties had much higher rates than all of the other age groups.  About one in six teenage drivers had an accident in 2008-9, compared to about one in 20 drivers in their eighties.  Drivers in their seventies and eighties were most similar to drivers in their thirties.  The last column shows higher death rates (per 10,000 drivers) for those in their seventies and eighties.  This isn’t a matter of more accidents, but rather a decreased likelihood of surviving one’s injuries in the oldest age groups.  About three out of every 10,000 drivers in their eighties died in a car crash in 2008-9 — not terrible odds.   

The data clearly contradict my stereotypic fantasy that older drivers risk their lives every time they get behind the wheel.  Even so, I find myself more conscious of safety issues on the road than I was a few decades ago.  I’ve dealt with this recently by saying to myself when I set out to drive somewhere, “Time for flawless driving.”  That has a remarkable effect.  Just saying “flawless driving” to myself every now and then alters my mental state and makes for heightened awareness of the road and conscious attention to what I’m doing.  I’m not only more aware of stuff, but I adhere more carefully to various safety rules when I have “flawless driving” on my mind.  These are rules like: 

• Keep your eyes on the road.  Don’t be distracted by pretty girls, llamas, or Burma Shave road signs.
• Keep track of cars behind you and at your sides as well as in front of you.
• Drive defensively.  Assume other drivers are texting or are heroin addicts. 
• Allow plenty of time.  There’s usually no reason to be in a rush. 
• If changing lanes, put your turn signal on and move over gradually. 
• Stop at the white line at traffic lights — not in the pedestrian crossing. 
• Pay attention to your spouse when they scream at you.   

The study I mentioned above indicates that about one senior driver (80+) dies in a car crash for every 12.5 million miles driven.  That’s a lot of miles.  I have almost the entire 12.5 million miles to go this year before I reach that statistic.  By staying mentally attuned to “flawless driving,” I would say I have at least 25 million miles to go before I’m done for.  I can live with that.

Love,

Dave

*SOURCE: www.aaafoundation.org, “Motor Vehicle Crashes, Injuries, and Deaths in Relation to Driver Age: United States, 1995-2010”

Everything There Is To Know About Zumba

Dear George,

Now that I worked up my courage and went to a couple of Zumba classes at the fitness center, I decided I should learn more about it.  Here is what I found out.  

Love,

Dave

What exactly is Zumba?  Google says: "An aerobic fitness program featuring movements inspired by various styles of Latin American dance and performed primarily to Latin American dance music."

How did Zumba get started?  In the mid-1990’s 16-year-old fitness instructor Alberto "Beto" Perez in Cali, Columbia, forgot his music for an aerobics class he was about to teach, so he went out to his car and got a tape of his favorite Latin dance numbers and used it to do a salsa-like workout routine.  His students liked it so much that he added it to his gym routines and named it "Rumbacize".  Perez moved to Miami in 1999 and, when his students there were equally enthusiastic, he renamed the class “Zumba".

What does "Zumba" mean?  Some say Zumba is just a fun word that sounds like Rumba.  Others say Zumba is Colombian slang for “buzz like a bee” or “move very fast”.

How much is the Zumba business worth today?  It’s the world’s largest branded fitness program.  It’s worth over 400 million dollars.

How many people do Zumba?  Zumba classes are currently taught at approximately 200,000 locations in 180 countries.  About 15 million people participate.

How many Zumba classes are there in Cincinnati?  Zumba.com lists over 280 Zumba classes in the Cincinnati metro area.  

What dance styles are incorporated in Zumba?  Salsa, merengue, samba, hip-hop, raggaeton, cumbia, soca, cha-cha, tango, mambo, and others.  Also squats and lunges.

Are there different types of Zumba classes?  There are nine different types of classes, designed for different ages and levels of exertion.  For example, there are classes for children (Zumbatomic), classes for seniors (Zumba Gold), resistance training classes (Zumba Toning), classes in the water (Aqua Zumba), and circuit classes (Zumba in the Circuit).  

How intense are Zumba classes?  Classes usually last an hour.  According to WebMD, Zumba is an interval workout, involving a medium intensity level.  The classes move between high- and low-intensity dance moves.

What areas of the body does Zumba target?  Many Zumba dance steps emphasize the hips and midsection, helping strengthen the core.  Dance moves also help work the quads, hamstrings, and glutes.  Traditional Zumba doesn't target the arms, and it's not focused on back muscles.

How many calories does one burn?  About 500 to 1000 in a one-hour class.

Does Zumba have health benefits?  According to WebMD, Zumba helps weight loss, reduces blood pressure and bad cholesterol, increases good cholesterol, and lowers the risk of heart disease.

Do you need to be a good dancer?  No dance experience or skills are necessary.  In Zumba classes people don't have to move exactly like the instructor.  It's more like club dancing where you move to the music in the way you want.

Do men do Zumba?  The official line is that 20% of Zumba participants are men.  However, instructors are more likely to estimate 5%.  In general, men are less likely to participate in fitness groups, and that’s particularly true of dance fitness groups.  Male instructors and participants are much higher in Latin countries where males are

encouraged to dance from an early age.

Can older people do Zumba?  Because there are different class options, Zumba proponents claim that it is safe for all ages.  Also a good thing about Zumba is that you can set your own pace, increasing or decreasing intensity in a way that works for you.

What kind of clothing should one wear to do Zumba?  Just about anything as long as you can easily stretch in it.  The company did launch a clothing line called Zumba Wear in 2007.  Today Zumba clothing is an 80 million dollar business.

Do any famous people do Zumba?  Here are some well-known Zumba-lovers: Jennifer Lopez, Jackie Chan, Madonna, Jordin Sparks, Vivica A. Fox, Natalie Portman, Olivia Wilde, Kirstie Alley, Emma Watson, Shakira, Victoria Beckham, Wyclef Jean, Toni Braxton, Rapper Pitbull, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Eve Longoria, Zooey Deschanel, Halle Berry.

Can I try doing Zumba at home?  Along with DVD’s, there are tons of Zumba videos on YouTube.  One website that offers “10 of the Best Zumba Workouts” is www.tone-and-tighten.com.  

What if I want to do Zumba  on my cruise?  Royal Caribbean offers a cruise centered around Zumba dancing.

And what Zumba's slogan inspires us?:  "Ditch the Workout -- Join the Party!”

SOURCES;

www.acefitness.org, "Zumba Fitness: Sure It's Fun But is it Effective?";

www.confessions of a fitnessinstructor.com, "What to expect at your first Zumba class;"

www.livehealthy.chron.com, "What Is Zumba Exercise?”;

www.ranker.com, “26 Celebrities Who Zumba”; 

www.southbayzumba.com, “5 Fun Facts About Zumba”;

www.sparkpeople.com, "All About Zumba Class";

www.stylecraze.com, "What is Zumba?";

www.thefactsite.com, “Facts About Zumba”;

www.tone-and-tighten.com, “10 of the Best Free Zumba Full-Length Video Workouts”; 

www.webmd.com, "Zumba";

www.wikipedia.org, "Zumba";

www.zumba.com, "Learn about Zumba”

Dancing My Way Through the Golden Years

Dear George,

One of my various regrets is not taking up dancing in any concerted fashion during my first sixty years or so.  Katja and I started doing ballroom dance classes at the start of the new millenium, and it was a revelation.  Then, when I retired, I joined my Tuesday night line dancing class, and that’s become the high point of my week.  We got a new instructor in January, and she’s been posting YouTube videos of various dance numbers (e.g., My Pretty Belinda).  The videos have led me to practice a lot more during the week.  At first I was doing this in front of the computer on our second floor, but Katja complained that I was shaking the pot holder that’s mounted to our kitchen ceiling.  So I moved my practice sessions downstairs to the foyer, playing music from the Solid Gold Oldies channel on our cable TV. 

Our fitness center also offers Zumba classes, and I’ve had my eye on that for some time.  I’ve been nervous about it though.  Finally I asked Google: “Should I do zumba if I’m quite old?”  Google’s first piece of medical advice was a blurb about an 86-year-old great grandmother who does zumba every morning.  That was definitely reassuring, and, when Katja went to a fancy party last week, I decided I should try the 7 p.m. Zumba class.  I told the instructor that it was my first class and I wasn’t sure I would stay the whole time.  He said that I should take a break whenever I felt like it.  There was only one other man in the class (one of my line dancing compatriots), and a majority of the women looked to be in their thirties or forties.  I did stick it out for the full class.  It is much more aerobic than line dancing, and I worked up a good sweat.  I was pretty awkward and confused compared to my experienced classmates, but I was able to follow the movements enough that it gave me hope.  I plan to go back next week.

The dinner party that Katja went to while I was zumba-ing was one we were both invited to, but I talked my way out of it.  It was in the fanciest section of town and was held in honor of the new music director of the Cincinnati Chamber Music Orchestra.  It sounded overwhelming to me.  Katja was sad and hurt that I didn’t want to go, but she RSVP’d for just herself.  It turned out to be lots of wealthy philanthropic supporters of the Symphony and the Opera.   Katja, who does substantially better at most social occasions than I do, had a good time.  She said afterwards that it would have been awful for me.  I think she was sympathetic to my social deficiencies.   

Along with line dancing, my poetry writing class takes up a chunk of my spare time each week.  We get a homework assignment each Tuesday, and I work on it all week long, usually writing two or three poems instead of the single poem that is assigned.  I owe my poetry writing style to Miss Herscheid’s fourth grade class at Washington Grade School.  We learned to write poems in rhyme and end each poem with the phrase, “The End”.  I’m the only person in my current class who writes all his poems in rhyme with a fixed meter (or rhythm).  In fact, as far as I can tell from reading lots of contemporary poems on the Internet, I’m the only person in the world who writes rhyming poems (except for children’s authors who are inspired by Dr. Seuss’s style).  Hopeful of expanding my repertoire, I’m currently trying to write a poem in free verse about “Being a Yooper.”  I have to admit that composing in free verse is much more free-flowing than my struggles to create rhymes.  But I’m sure that either method keeps blood circulating in my brain.

I was working on my Yooper poem several days ago when all of a sudden our newish Mac computer went blooey.  The word-processing screen is normally white, but now it was alternating between green, blue, and lavender, and all of the visual images that appeared on the screen were mottled and distorted.   I went into a state of shock, attributing the problem to powerful viruses.  I checked with a knowledgeable friend, and she said it sounded like to monitor was dying.  Fortunately Katja had bought an extended service contract, and I called the Apple support number.  The technician had me try several things with the keyboard and the power button, but none of them seemed to help.  He finally scheduled an appointment for me to bring the machine into the store.  An hour later, however, all the problems disappeared.  I didn’t know if the technician’s suggestions had solved the problem, but I’m relieved and am holding my breath.         

We’ve been watching a lot more TV since late January.  I think it’s a matter of retreating into fantasy in order to escape from horrifying political news. Nonetheless, we seem to be drawn to hair-raising politically-oriented programs involving Washington dysfunction, conspiracies, Middle Eastern and domestic terrorists, Russian spies, and national catastrophes.  Our favorites are Homeland, Designated Survivor, The Americans, and 24 Legacy.  All of these programs have become jumbled together in my mind, and I can’t keep straight which good guys go with which bad guys (or even who the good guys are).  It’s like there is just one single program: “24 American Homeland Survivor.”  I do have to say that these fictional events are more dramatic than our relatively mundane lives.  

That’s all the news from Ludlow Ave.  It’s a beautiful spring day, and I’m going to go and get some Fitbit points.

Love,

Dave

Dancing Ups and Downs*

Dear George,

I’m just crazy about line dancing.  This week is the four-year anniversary of my joining my Tuesday night class at the fitness center.  Only one other person, Evelyn, has been there that long.  Katja and our friend Donna started out with me.  However, Katja discontinued to have knee surgery, and Donna, who’s an excellent dancer, decided line dancing was too repetitive and stopped going too.  I myself, though, become more infatuated with line dancing every week.  The music is really good, from country to boogie woogie to hip hop.  We’ve learned over a hundred different dance numbers since the class began.  While each routine is distinctive, they tend to be different combinations of the same basic set of steps.  So, while learning new dances is always demanding mentally, you can become proficient in a short time.  When things are going well I find myself “in the zone”, merging with the music without having to think about the dance steps at all.  That’s the best.  

Recently I signed up for a second line dancing class that’s held on Monday nights at a school out in the suburbs.  With sixty or seventy students, it’s about four times as large as my Tuesday night class.  About 90% of the participants are women.   I don’t know why line dancing draws more women than men, but it seems to do so.  Maybe women like dancing by themselves in a group situation more.  Sometimes I feel a little odd about being a token male.  Last week I was the only man there for the first ten minutes.  Finally one other guy arrived, and I relaxed.  I do like this big class a lot.  There’s so many people that you can get lost in the crowd, and you feel like you’re part of a big, anonymous, cohesive conglomeration.

Thinking I should expand my repertoire, I suggested to Katja that we enroll in a ballroom dance class that a local dance studio was advertising.  We’d taken lessons there once before and enjoyed them, so she readily agreed.  Two male students (a guy named Rex and myself) and fifteen women showed up for the first class, not an ideal gender balance for couple dancing. The head instructor, Jean Ann, took the male role in dancing with female class members, and her assistant Richard also participated.  Nonetheless, ten of the women dropped out by the time of the second class, so we were down to more balanced numbers.

I was doing o.k. until we began learning the rumba in session two.  The class operates by switching partners every few minutes.  Shortly into the class period I got paired with a petite, red-haired woman named Arlene.  I’d already decided Arlene was the best dancer in the class, especially on the rumba.  We’d danced for about ten seconds when she told me in a stern voice that I wasn’t holding her hand firmly enough.  I think I’d been being timid, trying to avoid contact with female strangers.  I tried to correct my grip but she admonished me again and said she was going to push hard on my hand if I couldn’t push on hers.  She did push hard, and then it was time to change partners.  Fifteen minutes later Arlene and I were about to be paired up again.  However, she turned to the woman next to her and said, “I don’t want to dance with him.  You dance with him.”  The other woman, Sally, gave her a strange look but did join me.  Sally smiled throughout and I thought we were doing better.  Near the end of class Arlene and I got paired together one more time.  When the song reached its conclusion, I said, “That was good.”  Arlene looked me dead in the eye and said, “That was not good.  There wasn’t a single thing about that that was good.”  Taken aback, I thanked Arlene and moved away.  Jean Ann came up and said that sometimes men can have trouble with rhythm.  She asked me two times if I was able to hear the music.  I said I heard it all right, though, given my less than perfect hearing, I was suddenly not so sure.   Jean Ann danced with me for a minute or two, repeating “Slow quick-quick, slow quick-quick” until I finally started moving to the beat.  Even though Katja told me as we left that I was doing fine, I felt terrible all the way home.  My new dancer self-image was wobbly, to say the least.   

At the beginning of the next week’s class Arlene went out of her way to be pleasant, apparently trying to make up for her prior abruptness.  I, on the other hand, responded by groveling.  I said that I was a beginner, I’d never danced before, and I didn’t know anything.  I said that I would appreciate any tips Arlene might have and that I would try to do my best.  Arlene commented that Rex, the other male student, was taking the class for the fourth time, implying that I shouldn’t feel bad about being so much worse than him.  Jean Ann began teaching us some still more complicated rumba steps, and, flustered and self-conscious from the outset, I struggled the whole time.  At the end of the class Jean Ann asked how we all were doing, and I said, “I got a C minus at best.” Jean Ann said, “Oh no, you are definitely improving.”  However, we both knew that wasn’t true. 

Despite my fantasies and dreams, it looks like I’m not cut out for a professional dance career.  When Donna discontinued line dancing, she said ballroom dancing is a lot more fun because coordinating with a partner is more challenging.  I believe the challenging part, for sure.  Katja and I will stick with our ballroom dancing class for another month, but now I’m clear where my heart lies.  In line dancing you can be as awkward as you like, and nobody every criticizes anybody.  I don’t think anybody even notices.  That seems like an ideal arrangement.  I’m eager for Monday night to roll around.

Love,

Dave

 

*Pseudonyms used in this story.  

G-mail Comments

-Phyllis S-S (10-27):  Wow!  Arlene is taking this way too seriously.  Hey Arlene, try to have some fun.

-JML (10-25):  K*** says: tell your dad that it doesn't matter that Arlene tried to make it up to you. She is a b....h and if I ever meet her I'm gonna kick her ass.  I have nothing to add to this except that I really enjoyed this blog 

Helpful Holiday Advice from the Locker Room

Holiday snacks at our house

Dear George,

You get a lot of good info in the locker room that you don’t often hear elsewhere.  I think guys must level with one another more there.  The other day two chunky, white-haired men were conversing across the aisle.  Here’s how it went:

First Guy:  My doctor says I have to lose twenty pounds.  I don’t know how I’m going to do it.  I don’t think I can do it.

Second Guy:  Those doctors all say that.  Don’t listen to him.  It took you a lot of years to put those pounds on.  It would take you the rest of your life to take them off.

First Guy:  He said I need to do it for my health.

Second Guy:  I never once saw a skinny guy who was healthy.

First Guy:  I have this friend who is real skinny.  He’s very healthy.  He’s 91.  He takes long walks every day.  He doesn’t drink.  He eats lots of fruits and vegetables.  He does everything right.

Second Guy:  He might be healthy but he’s totally miserable.  He doesn’t eat anything.  He doesn’t drink.  He’s given up on everything there is.

First Guy:  His wife is in a nursing home.  I guess he doesn’t have much going for him.

Second Guy:  There are just two things worth living for.  One is eating.  The other I can’t even remember what it is, but I can’t do it any more.  So eating is -- that’s all that’s left.

First Guy (chuckling):  I know what you mean.  Well, I’m outa here.  Happy New Year to you and the Mrs.

Second Guy:  Yeah, Happy New Years to you too.  And keep away from those doctors.

First Guy:  I will.  I will. 

This has to be the most helpful conversation I’ve heard in a long time.  People I hang around with never say stuff like this.  My doctor gives me the same old story about losing weight, and it’s a relief to get a fresh point of view.  It definitely takes the pressure off during the holidays.  Happy New Year to all and be sure to eat a second piece of chocolate fudge cake.  Maybe even a third.

Love,

Dave 

G-mail Comments

-Donna D (12-30): very funny :)

What's Next? No Sitting?

Dear George,

Once people reach middle age, they start to pay more attention to good health practices.  I’m afraid I’ve gotten too complacent lately though.  I cut down on sweets; lost some weight; am careful about eggs and trans-fats; eat lots of high-fiber cereal and Healthy Choice frozen entrees; take the dogs for long walks (when they’re willing), etc.  Now I find out all this may be for nought.  Thanks to a barrage of media information, it appears that the newest threat to health and longetivity is (believe it or not) … SITTING! 

That’s a total shock.  I sit all the time.  At the computer the most, but also when eating, watching TV, at the movies, reading the paper, doing Sudoku, putting on my shoes, etc.  I even sit on the strength machines when doing my workout at the gym.   It turns out that the experts have now concluded that sitting is just as powerfully associated with death and deterioration as are, for example, smoking or obesity.   Here’s USA Today’s summary: “If most people spent less than three hours a day sitting, it would add two years to the average life expectancy in this country. And if they cut the time they spent on the couch watching TV to less than two hours a day, it would add about 1.4 [additional] years to overall life expectancy…”  (1)

My first reaction was that they’d gotten confused.  That it’s not sitting that’s to blame, but rather that physical activity promotes health and well-being.  People who sit a lot don’t exercise, and consequently they don’t live as long.  But, surprisingly, that’s not correct.  The most recent research – a study of death rates in a population of over 222,000 Australian adults (2) – found that sitting was associated with fatal outcomes regardless of  one’s level of exercise.  People who sit for more than eight hours a day have a 15% greater risk of dying than those who sit for less than four hours a day, and those who sit for eleven or more hours a day die 40% more often.  This sturdy connection between sitting and death holds for people who do no exercise, for people who do moderate exercise, and for people who do lots of exercise.  Basically, the implication is that sitting causes death, regardless of one’s exercise habits.  Even worse, an hour a day at the gym does nothing to counter the harmful effects of sitting around the rest of the time.  As one expert at the Mayo Clinic (3) put it, “The human being is designed to move … If you stop your body, idle it – which sitting is – it crumbles on every level.”  (Actually I just felt some inner crumbling as I was typing this very sentence.) 

So what are we supposed to do now?  Quitting smoking was hard enough, but cutting down on sitting by sixty percent or more seems totally unworkable.  And I don’t think they’re just talking about standing up more.  Hanging out on the street corner doesn’t increase your life expectancy.  They want us walking, jogging, running, doing push-ups.  Assuming one sleeps about eight hours a night, that leaves sixteen waking hours per day, only four of which should be devoted to sitting.  Twelve hours a day is a huge amount of time to spend walking and jogging.  I can barely force the dogs to go walking for one hour a day – there’s no way they will shift to eight or nine hours.  In fact, if I personally have to spend 12 hours walking every day, I’m not even sure I want to live that long.  

One excellent tip that I did run across was to replace your chairs with therapy balls (since these require constant muscle movement to maintain your balance).  Katja recently redecorated our living room with fancy new leather chairs.  They are very comfortable, but now that I know they’re life-threatening, I avoid them as much as possible.  Despite the financial costs of redecorating one more time, I think brightly colored therapy balls would look nice in our living room.  I’ll keep everyone informed if we find some.  In the meantime, whatever you do, keep moving. 

Love,

Dave

SOURCES:

(1) “Sitting less could extend your life”  (http://news.cincinnati.com/usatoday/article/56117870, July 10, 2012)

(2)  “Sitting Time and All-Cause Mortality Risk in 222 497 Australian Adults.  By H. P. van der Ploeg et al., Arch. Intrn. Med., 2012. 

(http://archinte.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=1108810)

(3)  “Are You Sitting Yourself to Death?”   (http://health.usnews.com/health-news/articles/2012/05/02/are-you-sitting-yourself-to-death)

G-mail Comments

-Jennifer M (7-18):  haha.  I sat while reading this.  I think I died a little bit, just like you did when you wrote it.  :-)