Thanks, World

Dear George,

We’ve been through a nervous three weeks following Katja’s complications from shoulder replacement surgery.  There’s nothing like losing the ability to breathe to make one appreciative of being alive.  While Katja still has an oxygen tank at home, she uses it a bit less each day, and we’re looking ahead to a full recovery.  Thanksgiving this year is an especially good time to reflect on all the good things in our lives, past and present. 

Thanks to Katja, first of all, whose has supplied most of the things that have made our lives enjoyable for the past 59 years. 

Thanks to our NOLA family, J, K, L, and V, who have helped make our senior years much more rewarding than we ever expected.  

Thanks to my parents for our extraordinary upbringing as kids and to my siblings with whom I’ve enjoyed my happiest times at our many family reunions at Farm.  

Thanks to a bevy of friends over the years who have generated much of our fun and frivolity.

Thanks to my Menominee High School teachers who gave me a solid grounding for moving on in the world and to Antioch College, a remarkable institution where I might have been the only Upper Peninsula graduate in history. 

Thanks to my graduate school mentors in social psychology, my university colleagues and grad students, and the university’s retirement plan which keeps us afloat.  

Thanks to my zumba and line dancing instructors who assist me each week in the battle against old age.  

Thanks to the OLLI program at the university where the poetry classes have given me a new avocation.  

Thanks to our Clifton neighborhood which makes us feel at home and keeps us well supplied with Skyline Chili and Graeters ice cream.    

In many ways we’re enjoying the most enjoyable time of our lives.  Relatively free of stress, entirely free of work pressures, no bosses or worries about “getting ahead”, and plenty of time to devote to enjoyable leisure pursuits.  That makes for a happy Thanksgiving.

Love,

Dave

Dreams and Life Stages

Dear George,

Like everyone, I’ve had recurrent dreams as long as I can remember.  Now, from the perspective of my elder years, what strikes me is how these have changed over time and how they reflected the particular life stage I was immersed in.  Here are some of the recurrent dreams that I recall most clearly.

Love,

Dave 

Childhood

My memories are fuzziest about my childhood dreams, but I do have a clear sense that they were usually scary.  Basically these were flight dreams in which I was in danger, terrified, and being chased by some powerful malicious entity.  Monsters, wild animals, Nazis, murderous criminals.  Sometimes this was in the forest.  I don’t think I usually got caught, mostly because the chase was so frightening that it woke me up. 

I haven’t had flight dreams for many many years, and I suspect they were particularly distinctive of childhood fears.  Being relatively small, weak, and vulnerable and being scared about a dangerous world.  This might have involved fears about parents, older kids, teachers, etc., but I suspect my flight dreams were especially fueled by comic books, Disney movies, and the weekly Saturday matinee cowboy, war, detective, and horror movies that we attended.     

Adolescence

I remember my most recurrent teenage dream very clearly, though it too is long gone.  In my waking life I had a part-time clerk job in my grandfather’s drugstore which required that I drive from our home in Menominee, Michigan, across the Hattie Street Bridge to the drugstore in Marinette, Wisconsin, the twin city where it was located.  The bridge was right next to the Menominee River dam where water came rushing down.   In my dream I was driving our family car across the Hattie Street Bridge when I suddenly discovered that the center section had collapsed.  Unable to brake in time, my car and I plummeted down into the rocks and white water to our destruction. 

I’ve always thought of this as my most creative dream.  A perfect symbolic representation of the anxieties connected with the perilous transition from adolescence to adulthood.  Clearly I feared I was doomed.  

College

I had the same recurrent dream as most other college students I’ve known.  It was finals week in the semester, and I suddenly discovered that I was accidentally registered for a course I’d never attended.  It was too late to withdraw, and I had to take the final exam if I had any hope of not failing.  I knew absolutely nothing about the subject matter.  The exam was starting in a couple of minutes.

There are lots of sources of anxiety during the college years, but constant evaluation and the threat of failure on examinations probably top the list.  

Early Career

My college exam anxiety dreams persisted for several decades, deeply rooted as they were.  However, once I became a classroom teacher, my student dream was gradually replaced by a complementary teacher dream.   Instead of a final exam, it was the first day of the semester, and I was notified by my department head that I was scheduled to teach a new class that I was totally unprepared for.  Like Nuclear Science or Chinese History.  The class was beginning in minutes, and I had to go in and bluff my way through.  In one variation of this dream, all of the students, one after the next, walked out of class during my lecture. 

It's interesting that students and teachers have pretty much the same dream.  I guess that higher education is fraught with tension, no matter which side you’re on.   

Later Career

Anxiety seems at the core of most of my dreams.  However, in middle age, perhaps the prime time of life,  I began having much more enjoyable,  anxiety-free dreams.  One version involved flying.  I would simply start waving my hands up and down, and then I would slowly rise upward to the ceiling or to the sky.  People watched in amazement.  An exhilarating, freeing feeling.  In another related version I would run at full speed along the sidewalk, then jump off the ground, and, amazingly, my momentum would carry me through the air for a city block or more.  I imagined myself breaking all of the records for the long jump at the Olympics. 

I see these as feel-good dreams in which I possessed special powers that were both unique and rewarding, including gaining recognition from others.  They came at a time when I felt in more control of my life – career, marriage, parenthood – and I apparently could afford to relax and enjoy my success. 

Retirement

Nowadays the dream that I have most often involves a return to anxiety, if not terror.  I suddenly recall that I had rented an expensive hotel room in another city a year ago and that I had brought all my books and other belongings and left them stored there.  I’d totally forgotten that I’d done that.  The current hotel bill was over a hundred thousand dollars, and I had only one day left in which to drive to the city and try to retrieve my belongings. 

I regard this as another age-related dream.  First, there is the sense of running out of time.  Second, what to do about an enormous number of belongings.   One of the things that worries me most in real life is what to do about the 60 years’ worth of stuff that Katja and I have accumulated and that fills our attic, basement, and storage room to overflowing. 

Postscript

For the most part, my dreams seems to mirror the central fears of my waking life.  What strikes me most is that changes in dreams follow changes in life roles.  Perhaps I will have a new recurrent dream in coming years.  It already makes me nervous to think about it.

Surgery Diary

Dear George,

I decided to keep a diary during Katja’s surgery experience this week.  Here is how it turned out.  

Love,

Dave

BEFOREHAND: 5 p.m., Wed., Nov. 6, 2019

Suffering from bad arthritic pain, Katja has been scheduled for shoulder replacement surgery for a couple of months.  Now we’re just 16 hours away.  We’re both nervous, though we don’t talk about it much.  Today I googled “Dangers of Shoulder Replacement Surgery,” and that was somewhat reassuring.  The website described a high rate of success for the operation with complications occurring in less than 5% of cases.  Still I worried about the 5%.  We’re both in an age group where the percent might be higher.  I thought about asking Katja to show me once again how to use the coffee grinder and the dishwasher in case of her demise but thought better of it.  She won’t be able to use her right arm for a month or more, so I will be getting plenty of practice in the kitchen.  She did have replacement surgery on her left shoulder about nine years ago, and my recollection was that recovery wasn’t much of a problem.  I told that to a friend who looked at me like I was crazy.  She said Katja was in pain for weeks afterward and I was totally stressed out.  I don’t remember any of it.  Apparently my memory operates to keep life as pleasant as possible, no matter how delusional.    I am just going to grit my teeth and tough it out.  

DURING: Noon, Thurs., Nov. 7, 2019

I’m sitting in the Surgery Visitor’s Waiting Room.  The surgeon will come here when the operation is done to let me know how things went, probably in about ninety minutes.  Katja seemed to be in reasonable spirits when they took her off to get a pain blocker in her shoulder.  However, her last instructions to me were that she is an organ donor, absolutely wants to be buried in a coffin and not cremated, and wants me to sit with her corpse for several hours to make sure she is actually dead.  I took this all in silently and gave her a goodbye (for now) kiss.  Both of us have had on our minds a friend’s wife who had routine minor surgery and died on the operating table.  I am trying to stay calm while waiting here by myself, though it is a strange, unreal experience. 

AFTERWARD: 3:10 P.M., Thurs., Nov. 7, 2019

A message board in the waiting room gives information on patient’s progress (e.g., incision, recovery, room).  As it turned out, I was given the wrong tracking number and was actually following the progress of a Robert Tucker.  When the volunteer discovered this, she said that Katja was now in recovery and that the surgeon would be talking to me any minute.  However, thirty minutes went by and no surgeon.  I started imagining that something terrible had happened to delay him.  The volunteer checked and said that the doctor was busy with another patient, but that a nurse would come out to talk to me any minute.  Another thirty minutes passed.  More terrible premonitions.  Finally the surgeon did arrive at 2:50 and said that the operation was a complete success.  Katja will stay overnight.  They will get her moving to try to avoid pneumonia.  If she is doing well she’ll be discharged before lunch tomorrow.  Whew!

HOURS LATER: 6:15 p.m., Thurs., Nov. 7, 2019

I’ve been in Katja’s spacious fifth-floor room for a couple of hours.  She is very perky, has no pain at all because of the block she received, and is in a good (drug-induced) mood.  Our son J** will arrive at the airport from New Orleans at 10:30 tonight, and I’ll pick him up.  J** is a rehab physician so he will be a big help.  Things are looking much more rosy.    

THE NEXT MORNING: 11:55 a.m., Fri., Nov. 8, 2019

Justin and I arrived at the hospital at 8:45 a.m., and Katja was overjoyed to see us.  I felt good to be all together as a family.  The occupational therapist and the physical therapist arrived shortly afterwards and went over the ins and outs of the recovery process.  Meds, exercise, doing tasks like dressing, things to avoid.  It all left me with a bit of trepidation.  If she moves her arm incorrectly, it could dislocate her shoulder and result in rehospitalization.  In any case, Katja was discharged at 12:30, and we headed home.  She was happy to be out but said she had also been happy being in the hospital.  I felt uneasy about the coming days and was glad to have J**’s support for the weekend.  Recovery will take 4 to 6 weeks.  We will see what happens next.  

Three Halloween Poems

Dear George, 

Next to Christmas, I think Halloween is the best holiday of the year.  All those treats, kids being out on the streets at night, the funny costumes, the possibility doing of tricks.  This past week I’ve been trying to capture the spirit of Halloween in poems.  Here are some of my efforts.

Love,

Dave 

All Hallows Eve: A Villanelle

The wind turns brisk and whistles through the night

Tricksters in masks scurry here and there

All Hallows Eve, a time for thrills and fright

A pirate and a ghoul wait at the light

A witch casts her spell, wide-eyed children stare

The wind turns brisk and whistles through the night

           

Vampires hug shadows, poised to bite

While a girl screams to friends, “Bloodsuckers!  Beware!”

All Hallows Eve, a time for thrills and fright

The smallest ghost clutches his lantern bright

Fierce howls of werewolves fill the chilly air

The wind turns brisk and whistles through the night

A band of zombies lurches into sight

Incarnations from some deep nightmare

All Hallows Eve, a time for thrills and fright

Kids bring bags of treats to their porches bright

Mothers and fathers are waiting there

The wind turns brisk and whistles through the night

All Hallows Eve, a time for thrills and fright

* * *

The Legend of Jack O’ Lantern

Jack O’Malley, the village rowdy

Staggered home from the pub one night

A dark figure sat on top of the oak

Satan’s presence filled Jack with stark fright

Jack quickly pulled out his woodsman’s knife

Carved a cross on the trunk of the tree 

Satan couldn’t climb past that holy cross

Till he promised Jack’s soul would stay free

Jack lived out his life as a scoundrel and thief

When he died, St. Peter locked the gate 

Jack sought out the Prince of Darkness

“Tough luck,” Satan said, “that’s your fate”

As Jack walked away Satan threw a burning coal

And Jack stuck it in a hollowed out gourd 

He used it as a lantern to light his way

As he wandered the countryside, spurned and ignored

The history of Halloween is ancient and hoary

But one fact is clear — Jack O’ Lantern’s story 

* * * 

  John Carpenter’s Halloween: A Poetic Synopsis

Michael Myers was born a monster

At six he killed his sister with a knife

Locked up fifteen years in the asylum

He escaped to resume his warped life   

           

Michael snuck back home to his Illinois town

There he killed a mechanic just for his clothes

He began to stalk Laurie, a high school beauty    

Her friends joked this weird guy would soon propose 

Dr. Loomis, the psychiatrist, raced to Michael’s hometown

Informing the sheriff of Michael Myers’ escape

“A monster so evil,” Dr. Loomis said

“No question he’ll murder, despoil, and rape”

That night, Halloween, Laurie babysat

Her best friend Annie was right across the street  

Michael Myers had followed both of these girls

He sliced Annie’s throat as if it were meat

Laurie’s friends Bob and Lynda arrived at Annie’s

Straight up to the bedroom to fool around

Bob came down for a beer, Michael slit his throat

Strangled Lynda to death, not the tiniest sound 

Laurie came to make sure that her friends were all right

Found the corpses of Annie, then Lynda and Bob

Michael jumped out in his white hockey mask

Grabbed Laurie by the throat, set to finish the job

At that very moment Dr. Loomis burst in

Shot Michael six times with his Magnum handgun

Michael tumbled off the balcony to the ground below

But looking for a  body the survivors found none 

POSTCRIPT

I went to this movie, walked home to my house

Michael Myers was hidden behind every tree

Supposedly an adult, I feared for my life 

Four decades later I still want to flee

Autumn Nostalgia

Dear George,
For almost fifteen years Duffy, Mike, Sophie, Donna, and I took at least half a dozen hikes at Miami Whitewater Forest every autumn.  Now that Donna has moved to Nashville and the sheepdogs have gone to the great beyond, my visits there are few and far between.  However, it does have the best hiking trails in the area, and my visit this week reminded me that autumn there is still a joy.
Love,
Dave

Googling Heaven

Dear George,

When I was a kid, Skipper, Frankie, and I had many conversations about the existence of heaven.  They both were certain that heaven was up in the clouds, but I was more skeptical.  I felt sure that mosquitoes don’t go anywhere after you swat them, nor do turtles when run over by a car.  Why should things be any different for humans?  I put all questions about heaven out of my mind for the next seventy years.  However, now that I’m closer to an end-state, I find myself wondering again.  Does Heaven exist?  What is it like?  How do you get there?  Nowadays I gather almost all my factual knowledge from the internet (which I consider infallible).  Here are some questions I asked Google and the amazing answers I received.

How many Americans believe in heaven?  

Defining heaven as a place “where people who have led good lives are eternally rewarded,” the Pew Research Center (2015) found that 72% of Americans believe in heaven.  This includes 88% of Evangelical Protestants, 80% of Mainline Protestants, 85% of Catholics, 95% of Mormons, 40% of Jews, and 5% of Atheists.  (18)  [Note: #’s in parentheses refer to sources listed at the end.] 

Do Swedes believe in heaven?

In a cross-national study of 32 countries, 18% of Swedes reported believing in heaven.  (14) 

Does heaven actually exist?

Most of the 74 million websites addressing the question seem to conclude that heaven does exist, although Stephen Hawkins claims that heaven is a fairytale.  (23)  My senior citizen organization, AARP, convened a panel of 6 religious experts, and all 6 endorsed one or another version of heaven.  (1) 

Where is heaven located? 

I had trouble finding a definitive answer.  Billygraham.org  assures us, however, that heaven is “a literal place that is just as real as Los Angeles, London, or Algiers!”  However, the Bible doesn’t reveal exactly where it is.  (5) 

What does heaven look like?

Google offers many impressive views of heaven.  Here are a few.  (6, 8, 16)

How many people will go to heaven?

According to the Bible (Revelation 7:4), 144,000 will be resurrected to heavenly life.  (Considering the history of mankind, this is not that many.)  They will serve alongside Jesus as kings and priests for 1,000 years, forming a heavenly government and restoring mankind.  (16)

Can non-Christians go to heaven?

Majorities of Catholics (68%) and mainline Protestants (65%) say that some non-Christian religions can lead to eternal life.  Evangelical Christians (31%) are least likely to agree.  (11) 

Can bad people go to heaven?

According to harvest.org, it is incorrect to think that good people go to heaven and bad people go to hell.  Some “good” people will not make it to heaven because heaven is for forgiven people, not good people.  Likewise some “bad” people will go to heaven because they realized they were bad and asked God for forgiveness.  (12) 

Can serial killers go to heaven? 

Yes says the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association.  “God can forgive anyone who truly repents and puts their faith and trust in Christ for their salvation.”  (5) 

How many people go to hell? 

A contributor to jesus-is-savior.com has worked out the math, and about 90% of deceased people wind up going to hell.  (15) 

Do dogs and cats go to heaven 

Just about all knowledgeable sources agree that they do.  In fact, Pope Francis recently told a young boy whose dog has died that paradise is open to all of God’s creatures.  (22) 

Will heaven be boring? 

Some people apparently worry that after ten million years of prayer and worship heaven might become boring.  According to relevant websites, this is definitely not the case.  Drawing from biblical quotes, amazingfacts.org gives five reasons why heaven won’t be boring.  These are: we will plant and build; be surrounded by breathtaking nature; be reunited with loved ones; make millions of new friends; and visit face to face with our awesome God.  (2) 

What age will we be in heaven?

This is a difficult question because the Bible doesn’t directly address it.  Some say we will be 33 because that was Jesus’ age at the resurrection.  It is clear that we will have brand new bodies which do not die, age, or suffer.  Most likely we will have no age at all.  If we do have an age, it will be the last thing on our minds.  (9) 

Do people meet Jesus in heaven?

A YouTube video assures us that we will “sit across and face to face with Jesus.”  (25)

What do people do in heaven? 

Heaven, according to biblesprout.com, is a very active place — not just angels sitting around on clouds with harps and singing in choirs.  The top seven things to do in heaven are: learning; singing; worship; serving; leading; fellowship with others; and eating.  (4)  

What can people NOT do in heaven? 

A contributor named John Pleasnick scoured the Bible and discovered ten things that people can not do in heaven.  These are: evangelize; rebel against God; grieve; get married; have kids; be ignorant; hunt and kill stuff; die; be distracted in worship; and get bored.  (17) 

Will we be angels when we go to heaven?

Definitely not, says Inspiration MInistries.  Angels and humans are completely different creatures.  Just like Jesus after his resurrection, we will have physical bodies that are able to talk, eat, walk, and be touched.  (13) 

Will people be sick in heaven? 

Absolutely not, according to billygraham.org.  In heaven we will have new and perfect bodies — bodies that will never become weak or die.  (5) 

Are there old people in heaven?

No old people.  According to House to House/Heart to Heart, people in heaven never age.  Even after ten thousand years, people are just as youthful as on day one.  (5)

Do people get angry in heaven?

Billygraham.org reports that we will experience emotions like joy and love in heaven.  However, anger, bitterness, and jealousy come from our old self-centered nature, and this will be eliminated in heaven.  Likewise, we’ll be completely safe in heaven and thus won’t experience emotions like fear, worry, or anxiety.  (5)   

Is there TV in heaven? 

Most responders to Yahoo Answers say yes, but there’s not complete consensus.  Anon. says that only spiritual things are in heaven, thus no TV.  Evins says you can see anything you want in heaven including baseball games broadcast in Hebrew.  Martin S. points out that television wasn’t invented when the Bible was written, so there’s no clear answer.  (3) 

Do people have sex in heaven? 

Most experts agree wholeheartedly that there is sex in heaven.  According to the Christian Religious Institute, “there will be sexuality in heaven because heaven will personify enjoyment.”  (10) 

Is there beer in heaven?

According to the Catholic Herald in Milwaukee, “I’m sure if we asked, a cold mug would be provided for us now and then.”  (7)

Will there be roller coasters in heaven?

There is nothing sinful about rollercoasters so it’s not like they couldn’t be in heaven.  However we don’t need amusement park thrills in heaven.  The thrill of seeing God the Father far outweighs one’s first ride on Millennium Force at Cedar Point, Ohio.  (21) 

Did Richard Nixon go to heaven?

Unfortunately the internet doesn’t offer a clear answer to this question,  However, in a related matter, President Gerald Ford told an associate, “I know I will go to hell, because I pardoned Richard Nixon.”  (20)  

Will Donald Trump go to heaven?

Few experts have addressed this pressing question, although the mayor of Philadelphia has recently stated, “If Donald Trump ever has to go back where he came from, he’s going to have to go to hell.”  (24)

Will I go to heaven?

I thought Google might be squishy on this one, but ProProfs.com offers an 8-item quiz that gives a definite answer.  What I got: “Just continue on doing good deeds then for sure, you will go to heaven.”  All right! (19) 

Overall, here is what I got from my research:  Americans are certain that heaven exists, that it’s a physical place, and that it offers everything one could hope for for.  Swedes don’t agree with this at all (though they do believe in Valhalla).  As a Swedish-American, this leaves me in a quandary.

Love,

Dave

SOURCES:

(1) aarp.org, “Does Heaven Exist?”, July 20, 2011; 

(2) amazingfacts.org, “5 reasons heaven won’t be boring,” nd; 

(3) answers.yahoo.com, “Is there T.V. in heaven?”, nd; 

(4) biblesprout.com, “What is there to do in heaven?”, nd;   

(5) billygraham.org, “”Answers”, May 11, 2005; Nov. 1, 2010; Feb. 27, 2011; Oct. 23;  

(6) calebtrimble.com, “Heaven is painful”, June 20, 2014; 

(7) catholicherald.org, “No beer in heaven — or is there? Nov. 11, 2016; 

(8) christiscoming777.com, “Heaven”, nd; 

(9) compellingtruth.org, “In heaven, what age will everyone be?”, nd; 

(10) equip.org, “Will there be sex in heaven?”  Feb. 10, 2011; 

(11) factgsandtrends.net, “When we all get to heaven?  Apr. 25, 2018; 

(12) harvest.org, “Heaven Isn’t for ‘GoodWill Never Do in Heaven”, nd;   

(13) inspiration.org, “14 Questions and Answers About Heaven,” nd.  

(14) ipsos.com, “Perils of Perception 2017: Heaven, Hell, and God”, 2017; 

(15)  jesus-is-savior.com, “Billions of people are going to hell”, May 2003;  

(16) jw.org, “Who Go to Heaven?”, nd; 

(17) medium.com, “The Things You Can’t Do In Heaven,” May 10, 2018; 

(18) pewresearch.org, “Most Americans believe in heaven … and hell” Nov. 10, 2015; 

(19) proprofs.com, “Will I Go To Heaven?”, July 15, 2016; 

(20) rationalwiki.org, “Gerald Ford”, nd; 

(21) reasonhope.com, “Will there be rollercoasters in heaven?”, nd; 

(22) theconversation.com, “All dogs go to heaven”, May 29, 2017; 

(23) theguardian.com, “Stephen Hawking: ‘There is no heaven’, May 15, 2011; 

(24) thehill.com, “Philadelphia mayor: Trump would ‘got to hell’…” July 16, 2019; 

(25) youtube.com, “7 surprising things we will do in heaven that might shock you”, Mar. 13, 2018;